Fly Into The Air Comic Strips - Page 10

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1000 Results for Fly Into The Air

View 91 - 100 results for fly into the air comic strips. Discover the best "Fly Into The Air" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #listening, #small talk

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Boss: How's work? Dilbert: Well, since you asked... it's like being trapped in a garbage compactor and no one can hear me scream. All my hopes and dreams have died, along with my immune system and my dignity. The only thing keeping me alive is that food tastes good. I tried to escape into my imagination, but I learned I don't have one. My life has no meaning. Each second is a slow-motion ordeal. Why do I get the feeling you weren't listening to any of that? Boss:My day was good too.

Wally's Invention Goes Into Production

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Wally's Invention Goes Into Production - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #laziness, #fairness, #unfair

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Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.

Alice And The Legacy System

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Alice And The Legacy System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dedication, #work ethic, #boredom, #overwork, #time

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Alice: Does it bother you to work on the old legacy system when the rest of us are doing exciting new things? Wally: I leave work at 4 p.m. every day. Wally: How about you? Alice: Squatters keep moving into my house.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #salary, #secret, #anger, #compensation, #money, #unfair

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Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?

Estimating Software Completion

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Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

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Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish

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Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #chair, #conversation, #meeting, #robot, #sue, #table, #business

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Boss: We replaced our company lawyer with a robot. Boss: It already rewrote all of our contracts into gibberish. Dilbert: Do we want that? Boss: I tried to ask, but it threatened to sue me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

It Sounded Like Feng Shui

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It Sounded Like Feng Shui - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #obliviousness, #distraction, #attention

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Boss: Why haven't you finished writing the software? Dilbert: Because each of your interruptions took me out of the zone and turned a simple task into a nightmare. Catbert: What did he mean by that? Boss: It sounded like some sort of feng shui.

Boss Needs One Minute

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Boss Needs One Minute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attention, #developer, #distraction, #frustration

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Boss: Do you have a minute? Dilbert: Yes. But I don't have the fifteen minutes it will take me to get back into the coding "zone" after your interruption. Boss: I only need one minute. Dilbert: What planet are you from?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #speech, #words, #nonsense, #training, #trainee, #strategy, #laziness

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Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.