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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #free publicity, #products are deadly, #recalling everything, #told the media, #public relations

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The Boss:: I hired the Dogbert public relations firm to get us some free publicity. Dogbert: I've already told the media that your products are deadly and we're voluntarily recalling everything. The Boss: But...they aren't deadly. Dogbert: Hey, I don't tell you how to be fat. wally: snork

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Did you hire Ellen just because she's hot?" "Carol, hotness is an important skill. It's like a super power." "From now on, how much are you charging us for printer cartridges?" "Fuh fuh free!" ping

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Satan's Vendor "We'll send your engineers to our free training course." "The training is held on our own island retreat." "I'm going where?" "Fecalruba."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Satan's Vendor "You'll have many benefits after our technology is irrevocably implemented in your network." "For example, when one of our products stops working, we'll blame another vendor within 24 hours." "Do you have free t-shirts?" "Yes. They're made of the finest allergens."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2006's comic on:


Tags #marketing guru, #tractor sized mp3 players, #free ipod, #pricing

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The Marketing Guru "Consumers will buy our tractor-sized mp3 players if we offer something free with each one." "So we'll offer a free iPod with each sale, and free towing to the landfill for our mp3 player." "The rest is just pricing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2006's comic on:


Tags #executives, #hierarchy, #invisible, #managers, #status, #underling, #steering committee, #tall memebers, #senior menagement, #acknowledge exitence

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"Asok, I want you to attend the technology steering committee for me." "But they are all tall members of senior management. They won't even acknowledge my existence." "Phfft." "Hey, Andy, this seat is free. I'll just move my coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2006's comic on:


Tags #catch and release, #ceo seminar, #hurt fish, #inform life, #new spouse, #philosophy, #set free, #spin off compnay, #without making decisions, #be decisive

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"Welcome to Dogbert's catch-and-release CEO seminar." "Catch-and-release is more than a way to hurt fish for entertainment." "It's a philosophy that will inform your entire life." "For example, when you acquire a new company, wait a few years and then spin it off." "When you catch a new spouse, wait a few years and then set it free." Boot! "When you golf, hit that ball into a hole and then take it out." "Your ultimate goal is to look decisive without making any real decisions." "Good seminar. It makes fishing more fun when you know it hurts them!" "Ouch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2006's comic on:


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"Hi, handsome. Are you free for lunch?" "Are you selling something, or do you have a horrible defect that isn't apparent?" "Is it so hard to believe that a hot, intelligent, sane woman would be attracted to a man like you?" "Gaaa!!! It's worse than I thought!" "Maybe we could just drink coffee and talk about the last episode of Battlestar Galactica." "GAAA!!!" "Get away from me, you perfect monster!" "There must be a guy in the engineering department who will date me." "Hi." "What's wrong with you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2006's comic on:


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The new guy used to be a free-ranger. Let's go watch him get broken. "I'm there." "They say he was a photographer. Never been cubicled." "He'll be tough." "I'll lasso him with the necktie and you put the employee manual on his back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #unpleasant parts, #free to concentrate, #do startegy

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"I'd like to hire someone to do all of the unpleasant parts of my job." "That way I'll be free to concentrate on strategy." "Fair enough." "Secondly, I'd like to hire someone to do strategy."