Hiring Smart People Comic Strips - Page 10
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1000 Results for Hiring Smart People
View 91 - 100 results for hiring smart people comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Smart People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 02,
2019
Boxes With Names
Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #office workers, #suspicious, #layoff
Transcript
Boss: The rumors of a major layoff are completely untrue. Dilbert: Why did the facilities management people just deliver a huge load of cardboard boxes to the break room? Boss: You can never have too many boxes. Dilbert: Why does every box have an employee name on it?
Friday December 07,
2018
Keeping The Worthless People
Tags #boss, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #salary, #incompetence
Transcript
Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.
Thursday December 06,
2018
Jargon
Tags #confusion, #employees, #irritation, #language, #meetings, #sarcasm
Transcript
Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.
Friday November 23,
2018
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People
Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart
Transcript
Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?
Thursday November 22,
2018
Teach Employees To Code
Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.
Thursday November 15,
2018
Complaining Versus Hiding
Tags #boss, #complaining, #employees, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.
Wednesday November 14,
2018
Complaining About Ted
Tags #complaining, #computer software, #engineering, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.
Friday November 09,
2018
Alice Makes Her Boss Look Good
Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: Alice, always remember that a good employee makes her boss look good. Alice: Maybe I could toss a blanket over you when other people are around. Boss: I'm not talking about my physical appearance. Alice: The blanket would also muffle the sound.
Wednesday November 07,
2018
Tons Of Experience
Tags #boss, #business, #employment, #interviews, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #experience
Transcript
Boss: We only hire people who have experience. Man: How can I get experience if no one wants to hire inexperienced people? Boss: We do hire liars. Man: Oh, good. I have tons of experience.
Thursday October 25,
2018
Idiots Don't Know They Are Idiots
Tags #the boss, #alice, #ted talk, #idiots, #dumb, #career, #change, #smart, #possible, #speak
Transcript
The Boss: I watched a Ted talk yesterday about how idiots don't know they are dumb. Alice: For the sake of my career, I hope you change the subject as soon as possible. The Boss: Did you know idiots believe they are smart? Alice: Must... Not... Speak...