New Product Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Product

View 91 - 100 results for new product comic strips. Discover the best "New Product" comics from Dilbert.com.

Welcome Baskets

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Welcome Baskets - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, racism, new employee

View Transcript

Transcript

alice, the boss and ask at table. the boss: i need a volunteer to assemble welcome baskets for our new hires. alice: i recommend ask the intern because obviously, it would be sexist to ask a women to do it. the boss: good point. ask, the project is yours. ted thinking: racist.

Wally Needs A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Needs A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, system, architect, Promotion, pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.

New Feature Added

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Feature Added - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, marketing, office, office workers, time travel

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i need you to add a feature to our product because our marketing campaign says we already have it. dilbert: no problem. what's the feature? the boss: time travel. the boss: how long will it take to add that feature? dilbert: if i'm successful, i'll have it done by last week.

Using Git

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Using Git - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, code, developer

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm hearing that none of your code has been implemented. why are you so unproductive? dilbert: your new lead developer doesn't know how to use git and he keeps overwriting my patches. the boss: i don't know what any of that means. dilbert: well, thank you for stopping by.

Wally Plans His Retirement

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Plans His Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, retirement, profit

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.

Offensive Product Name

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Offensive Product Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, insults, office, office workers, elbonian

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: our product name turns out to be offensive in the elbonian language. dilbert: it means "one who rips off his own facial hair and feeds it to a baby bird, which chokes and dies, signaling years of drought." the boss: that's all in one word? dilbert: they only have seventeen words, and nine of them are insults.

Nuclear Power Invention

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nuclear Power Invention - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, office, office workers, nuclear power

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i invented a new type of nuclear power that has zero risk. dilbert: it can be built in one day for less that a thousand dollars and it can power a small city. the boss visually upset and yelling: get that thing out of here! dilbert: i expect it will be hard to sell.

Sean From Extreme Marketing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sean From Extreme Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags extreme, marketing, sean, brainwashing, technology, unapprove, first

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This is Sean from the extreme marketing department. He's here to tell us about our new brainwashing technology. Dilbert: I don't approve of brainwashing. Sean: That's why I'm going to do you first.

Manipulation Via Dopamine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Manipulation Via Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer, lotalty, science, new, manipulate, addictions, mockery, free will, evil, extreme

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We've moved past the old notation of customer loyalty. Now we use science to manipulate dopamine and create addictions that make a mockery of free will. Dilbert: That sounds like the epitome of evil. Boss: We call it "extreme marketing."

Press Release

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Press Release - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, boss, unethical, scientists, press, question, overkill

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The unethical scientist we hired to support our product claims started today. Boss: Write a press release that says whatever we want him to say and put his name on it. Dilbert: Should we show it to him? Boss: That feels like overkill.