Perfect Attendance Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

139 Results for Perfect Attendance

View 91 - 100 results for perfect attendance comic strips. Discover the best "Perfect Attendance" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #no assignment, #looking for project, #ineffectual, #good attendance, #head nodding

View Transcript

Transcript

A new employee approaches Dilbert and says, "I'm a new guy with no assignment. I'm looking for a project to horn into." The new employee continues, "But don't be threatened by me. I'm exceptionally ineffectual." The new employee continues, "I'm trying to build a career based on good attendance and head-nodding."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfect world, #eight months, #incompetence multiplier, #lying weasel factor

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a screen that says, 'Schedule 8 Months." Dilbert says, "In a perfect world, the project would take eight months." Dilbert points to another screen and says, "But based on past projects in this company, I applied a 1.5 incompetence multiplier." Dilbert continues, "And then I applied an L.W.F. of 6.3." The Boss asks, "L.W.F?" Alice answers, "Lying Weasel Factor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prestigious award, #attendance, #typo, #obsecenity, #name spelled wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok is sitting at his computer. Carol hands him an award and says, "Asok, you are the winner of a prestigious award for attendance." Asok replies, "My name is misspelled.. As an obscenity." Carol says, "Typo." Asok exclaims, "Typo? You added four letters!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaints, #dating, #dog is perfect, #improve, #list, #lose weight, #need improvements, #new odor, #new wardrobe, #polish up, #new haircut, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

The dark haired woman from the gym and Dilbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert is sitting on the arm rest next to them. The woman says, "I made a list of all the ways you need to improve in order to keep dating me." Dilbert reads the list aloud: "Lose forty pounds, new wardrobe, new haircut, new car, new odor..." The woman interupts, "But your dog is perfect. How'd that happen?" Dogbert replies, "When can you move in?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob, #ex emloyee, #died, #funeral, #barely knew, #erfromance review, #communication skills, #attendance

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "Bob was working for you when he died. The family wants you to say something at his funeral." The Boss replies, "I barely knew him. Maybe I can read something from his last performance review." The Boss is standing at a podium at the funeral. He says in his speech, "Bob needs to work on his communication skills.. and attendance."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cynics annonymous, #fluorescent lights, #higher power, #naive optimism, #perfect emplyee

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert tells Dilbert: "Dilbert, you've become too aware of reality. I'm sending you to 'Cynics Anonymous.'" Catbert continues: "A higher power will help you regain the naive optimism that once made you a perfect employee." Dilbert says: "Why can't the higher power change me while I'm sitting here?" Catbert answers: "Fluorescent lights block his power."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judy, #missing days, #judy isn't here, #morale is higher, #coughing, #certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is standing drawing his arm in the direction of Judy, who is standing beside him. The boss says, "The attendance award goes to Judy for missing the most days." As the employees sit and applaud, the boss says, "I think we all agree that morale is higher when Judy isn't here." The boss hands Judy a certificate and says, "We took turns coughing on the certificate."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company resources, #resume, #headhunter, #perfect crime, #got mail

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice types at her computer and thinks, "heh-heh.. I'm usig compnay resources to e-mail my resume to a headhunter Alice thinks, "It's the perfect crime." The boss sits at his computer. The boss says, "I've got mail!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #transfer sales dept, #scapegoat, #make useless pordcuts, #low sales, #good prodcuts, #perfect wrld

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, to the scapegoat, "I'm transferring you to the sales department, scapegoat." The boss says, "Then we can make useless products and blame you for our low sales." The scapegoat says, "Wouldn't it be better to make good products?" The boss says, "In a perfect world."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raises, #young employees, #few dollars, #buy small motorcyel, #crack cocaine, #be your mentor, #tickle my own fett, #perfect sat

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss sits across from Asok. The boss says, "Asok, I can't give raises to young employees." The boss says, "Because as soon as you get a few dollars in your pocket..." The boss says, "You buy small motorcycles a disappear in the night." The boss says, "I know that's a generalization." The boss says, "Some of you prefer the crack cocaine." Asok is mad. The boss says, "The good new is that I'm willing to be your mentor." Asok gets up and screams. Asok says, "Aaagh! I got double eight hundreds on my SAT!!! For what?!!" The boss walks Asok out. The boss says, "Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I tickle my own feet."