Slap Yourself Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

226 Results for Slap Yourself

View 91 - 100 results for slap yourself comic strips. Discover the best "Slap Yourself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #budget, #suggestion, #ridicule, #annouyed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I've been asked to cut the fat out of this department." Wally says, "If the department has fat in it, that's a symptom of bad management. Maybe you should fire yourself." The boss says, "I wasn't asking for suggestions." Wally says, "Geez, way to be critical during brain storming."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asking, #laptop, #equipment, #refusal, #ridicule, #evil, #cruel

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac, the preventer of information services. Asok says, "May I use this laptop that no one else is using?" Mordac says, "No, but you can have my old pizza box while you waterboard yourself in your own tears." Asok says, "I guess that's better than nothing." Mordac says, "Really? In that case you can't have it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #threat, #disagreement, #scared

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #order, #demand, #email, #internet, #annoyance, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Carol, send an e-mail to the department with my leadership thought of the day." Carol says, "What is it?" The Boss says, "I'm busy. Make up something." 'That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So please slap me in my fat, bald head.'

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arrange demo, #gave demo, #letter of intent, #potential customer, #slap yourself, #won't succeed, #40 million

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Would it be okay if I talked to a potential customer?" The Boss says, "No. You're not in sales. I need you to focus on your project." Dilbert says, "I already talked to them. Is it okay if I arrange a demo?" The Boss says, "No. Only the sales teams arrange demos." Dilbert says, "I already gave the demo." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I convince them to buy $40 million of our product?" The Boss says, "No, because you won't succeed." Dilbert says, "Here's their letter of intent." The Boss says, "You shouldn't slap yourself now." Dilbert says, "Yes I... wait. Nice try."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #introductions, #erin, #sue boysenberry, #resume, #shrink, #prescribe pills, #be strong, #self employed

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says, "Please introduce yourself by saying your name and who you work for." A woman says, "My name is Erin and I work for Sue Boysenberry." The man says, "Wow, lucky. I hear she's great." Another man says, "Can you give her my resume?" One Minute Later The second man says, "I'm so sorry for you." Another woman says, "You must cry a lot." The second man says, "If you ever need to talk to someone, I know a good shrink." The second man says, "He can prescribe pills that will make you feel self-employed." The second woman says, "Be strong. We'll all pray for you." The first man says, "Next."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no right to opinion, #conversation, #convey useful info, #bonding

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "And then she acted as if I have no right to my opinion!" Dilbert says, "Is the point of this conversation to convey useful information, or just to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Tina says, "Maybe we're bonding." Dilbert says, "Maybe not."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antimatter version, #killed, #cup of coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "You know that antimatter version of yourself that you brought to work?" Alice says, "I killed him with a cup of coffee. I think he enjoyed it. Because he's, like, opposite." Alice says, "But enough about me. How's your day going?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinosuar, #law suit, #no interuptions, #prior employee, #slapped, #slapped with a suit, #take off, #business suit

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob: Im Bob the esquire dinosaur. your exemployee, wally, hired me to step you with a suit for hiring him. Take off your suit is I can slap you with it. Carol: Not now, He's being slapped with a suit and I don't want top ruin the rhythm.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.