Solutions Not Problems Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

203 Results for Solutions Not Problems

View 91 - 100 results for solutions not problems comic strips. Discover the best "Solutions Not Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #problems, #solution, #misunderstanding, #ignoring, #confused, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "You're paying contractors to do work that I could do if I weren't always in unproductive meetings." Dilbert says, "You could hire temps to attend the unproductive meetings for me, and fire the more expensive contractors." Dilbert says, "Why don't I understand what you just said?" Dilbert says, "Because it made sense?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #discussion, #news, #angry, #ridicule, #joke, #humor, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "From now on, we will refer to all of our problems as opportunities." Carol says, "One of your idiot spawn was playing with the oven and burned down your house." Wally says, "Camping opportunity?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance, #review, #meeting, #suggestion, #insult, #ridicule, #angry, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Performance Review The Boss says, "You need to get better at anticipating problems." Dilbert says, "If I could anticipate problems, I wouldn't have agreed to work for you." Dilbert says ,"You seem angry, I did not see that coming."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lazy, #new employee, #youth, #argument, #violence, #pain, #victory

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "And obviously I can't do anything until our floom vendor updates the glimrods." Man says, "I'll bitspew a protopatch to your glimrod array and you can get right to work." Sometimes a young engineer challenges the dominant work-avoider in the herd. Wally says, "Oh, really?" Wally says, "Too bad the router isn't configured to handle protopatch server traffic." Man says, "I'll remotely reconfigure the router to think the protopatch server is a hexadulian data compressor." Wally says, "If you do that, you'll crash the firewall and expose everyone at this table to identity theft!" Tina says, "Stop that! I have enough problems!" Punch! Wally says, "Never go network on me, kid."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee, #graduate, #new, #avoiding, #useless, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I just got my MBA, and I'm here to solve all of your problems." Dilbert says, "Our products are junk and we're completely out of capital." Man says, "Have you tried jargon?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telephone, #concern, #death, #mistake, #product, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My boss just told me that he changed my drawings for the smart phone before he sent them to you for prototyping." Dilbert says, "I was wondering if you're having any problems with it?" Man says, "The camera's a bit aggressive."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #newspaper, #economy, #hardship, #sacrifice, #Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian says, "The big countries are having economic problems. Experts say it will soon affect Elbonia." Elbonian says, "We'll need to cut back on some of our luxury expenses." Elbonia says, "You can stop practicing your fetching," Pig says, "Should I ask why?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #yelling, #budget, #meeting, #begging, #confused, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Until the economy improves, we are instituting a mandatory week off every quarter." The boss says, "At least you'll have more time with your families." Ted says, Nooo!!! Not my family!!!" The boss says, "Problems at home?" Ted says, "May I please work without pay?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health problems, #absenteeism, #raise, #avoid exercise

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."