Success Sounds Like Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Success Sounds Like

View 91 - 100 results for success sounds like comic strips. Discover the best "Success Sounds Like" comics from Dilbert.com.

Fetching Coffee

Thank you for voting.
Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

Boss Has A Vision For The Company

Thank you for voting.
Boss Has A Vision For The Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #office workers, #sarcasm, #listen

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: And that's my vision for the company. Dilbert: All you did was list the projects we are already working on while making it sound like astrology. Boss: In my defense, I didn't think any of you were listening.

Winning The Nasa Contract

Thank you for voting.
Winning The Nasa Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #aliens, #attack, #communication, #earth, #space, #nasa

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: NASA has detected an alien probe heading for earth. We won the NASA contract to contact the aliens using a focused laser beam. Dilbert: Wouldn't that look to them like an attack? Boss: Maybe that's why do one else bid.

Alice Writes Own Review

Thank you for voting.
Alice Writes Own Review - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #performance, #sarcasm, #review

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm asking everyone to write their own performance reviews. Alice: "She shone like the light of a thousand suns." Boss: Slop some jargon on that and put a bow on it. Alice: Got it.

Selling Chocolate For School

Thank you for voting.
Selling Chocolate For School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #family & parenting, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #sales, #school, #capitalism

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise money for my kid's school. Boss: That sounds like communism. I'm out. Carol: I'll give you a fake receipt so you can expense it. Boss: Now it sounds like capitalism. I'm in.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Exclamation Mark

Thank you for voting.
Exclamation Mark - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #email, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #pretend, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why did you send me a sarcastic email response? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: Then how do you explain this exclamation mark? Dilbert: I was pretending to be interested in what you said. Boss: Oh, okay. I like that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

Bad Mouthing Ted's Code

Thank you for voting.
Bad Mouthing Ted's Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #computer software, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cost, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #ladder, #waste

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.