Time To Market Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Time To Market

View 91 - 100 results for time to market comic strips. Discover the best "Time To Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Why Is Dilbert Arrogant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why Is Dilbert Arrogant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #intelligence, #office, #office workers, #relationships, #arrogance

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: why are you so arrogant? dilbert: that's an illusion caused be a combination of your low intelligence and my track record of being right all the time. office worker: you're being arrogant again! dibert: or am I just right?

Mandatory Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoidance, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #training

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't finished the mandatory compliance training modules. Alice: I'm waiting for a strategic time to do them. Boss: Oh, okay. Want to go to lunch? Alice: I would love to, but I have training modules to do.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #exercise & fitness, #frustration, #lunch, #office workers, #time, #walking, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Would you like to take a long walk with me at lunch to get some exercise? Tina: That's a great idea! Dilbert: Okay, I'll come get you at noon. Ready? Tina: Yes, I only need ten minutes to finish this. Dilbert: I only have an hour for lunch, and your ten minutes will turn into twenty. Tina: That's okay because I wore heels today and I can't walk more than a block anyway. Dilbert: Why did you agree to take a long walk if you couldn't take a long walk? Tina: Because I was planning to walk to the store on the corner to do an errand anyway. Dilbert: You've ruined my walk! Tina: Just give me forty minutes to wrap this up.

Ten Year Financial Projections

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ten Year Financial Projections - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #business, #finances, #guilt, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: How reliable are your ten-year financial projections? Dilbert: They are as reliable as all other ten-year financial predictions. Tina: Okay, good. Dilbert: Why do I feel guilty every time I talk at work?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boredom, #panic, #technology, #smartphone, #thoughts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm turning off my digital devices so I can spend some time with my thoughts. Dogbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Do you remember what your quiet thoughts were like? Dilbert: Not really. But how bad could it be? This isn't so bad. Just a bit boring. Five minutes later. Dilbert: I'm getting the shakes. The boredom has metastasized. Gaaaa!!! The boredom is overwhelming! Kill me! Kill me! Dogbert: Maybe you should have tried being with people. Dilbert: It was already bad enough.

No Raise For Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Raise For Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #work, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels? Boss: No. Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference. Boss: I would know if you did that. Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?

Illegal Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Illegal Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #legal, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #suspicious

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Your plan doesn't sound legal.I'm not comfortable with it. Boss: We break the law all the time. It hasn't been a problem yet. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: What's your position on killing all witnesses?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?