Told Everyone Comic Strips - Page 10

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505 Results for Told Everyone

View 91 - 100 results for told everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Told Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Nailed It

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Nailed It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #finances, #guessing, #estimate, #catchphrase, #clever

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your financial forecasts were all wrong. Dilbert: Financial forecasts are always wrong. You told me to make one anyway. Boss: In other words, I nailed it and you failed it. Dilbert: Catchy.

Threatening Wally

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Threatening Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #excuse, #threat, #ultimatum

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Woman: Wally, did you finish the data scrub? Wally: No, a defect in my brain made me too lazy. Woman: Perhaps some sort of threat would get you going. Wally: It's worth a try. Woman: Do your work or else I'll tell everyone you're useless! Wally: That would save me a lot of time.

Brain Scan

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Brain Scan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brain, #thinking, #cognition, #personality, #abnormality, #psychology

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Wally: My doctor says my laziness is caused by a brain abnormality. Dilbert: Doesn't everyone in the world have a unique brain that determines what they do? Boss: Is he right about that? Wally: I'd have to see his brain scan. Sounds like a tumor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Arguing On Twitter With Facts

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Arguing On Twitter With Facts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trolling, #troll, #social media, #argument, #logic, #reason, #arguing, #technology

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Boss: Watch me win this debate on Twitter by providing facts and logic. Now we wait for everyone in the world to change their minds. Dilbert: How's the first minute going? Boss: What is wrong with these monsters?!!

False Rumor

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False Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #backhanded compliment, #liar, #idiot

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Dilbert: Everyone at work thinks I'ma liar because of a false rumor. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, I know you aren't a liar. Dilbert: Thank you. That does help. Dogbert: I see you as more of an idiot. And you're welcome.

Everything Sounds Like A Lie

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Everything Sounds Like A Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #deception, #catch-22, #accusation, #innocence, #guilt

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Tina: Now that everyone knows you are a liar, everything you say sounds like a lie. Dilbert: You starting assumption is wrong. I didn't lie about anything. Tina: That's exactly what liars say. Dilbert: Excuse me while I bang my head on this table until I pass out.

Everyone Says Dilbert Lied

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Everyone Says Dilbert Lied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #accusation, #conclusions

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Man: Everyone says you moved the server rack and lied about it. Dilbert: Everyone is wrong. It didn't happen. Man: Oh, so it's your word against literally "everyone?" Is that what you're saying? I'll go with the majority on this, thank you very much. Dilbert: I want to like people, but they don't make it easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

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Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?

Helping The Boss Be Successful

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Helping The Boss Be Successful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #helpfulness, #niceness, #kindness

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Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.