Train Support Staff Comic Strips - Page 10
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Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."
To all staff: We had to let our cleaning crew go for budget reasons. In a separate e-mail, I will explain our new 'Adopt a toilet' program. Dilbert says, "I have to be honest, Timmy. I don't see college in your future."
Dilbert says, "Customers can't figure out our user interface. the boss says, "They should read the manual." Dilbert says, "Our manual is more confusing than our user interface." The boss says, "They can use our onine support database." Dilbert says, "That's more confusing than our manual." The boss says, "We have no money to fix any of that." The boss says, "In situations like this, I like to go to my special place" The boss says, "Someday I hope to have a special place big enough for my entire body." the boss says, "Problem solved."
Catbert says, "Asok, we need to cut your pay again. But maybe you could get a second job." Asok the intern says, "Second???" Asok the intern says, "I am already doing freelance I.T. support?and donating blood?and working as a male escort." Catbert says, "I don't need the details." Asok the intern says, "Running guns...Robbing graves...Starting a hedge fund..."`
Asok the intern says, "Pssst! I'm doing black market I.T. support to make up for my recent cut in pay." Man says, "Isn't this illegal?" Asok the intern, "Not according to my black market company lawyer." Alice says, "So it's legal to punch vendors?" Dogbert says, "Sure, if they deserve it." Dogbert says, "That's $100, please."
The boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take over Carl's function." The boss says, "He's already gone, but Ted can train you." The boss says, "Ted was sometimes in the general vicinity when Carl did the function." a cloud says, "Doom" Ted says, "Try clicking the red...no, blue...no, red button." Beep ted says, "Ooh, okay. I didn't expect that." ted says, "Now you either have to erase all of the servers or activate the fire suppression system in the clean room." Dilbert says, "What if I click 'Cancel'?" Ted says, "That's what killed Carl." Ted says, "Anyway, that's all I know. The rest is just common sense."
Mordac, the preventer of information services Mordac says, "You have exceeded your allocation for I.T. support." Mordac says, "The penalty is forcible relocation to an agrarian society." Cow says, "Seriously, even a cow knows you should try rebooting before calling tech support."
Dogbert's tech support Dogbert: May I remotely take over your computer to diagnose the problem? Now hold while I snoop into your personal filed, pilfer your bank accounts and turn your computer into a spam server. Client: THAT'S ILLEGAL! Dogbert: So are 75% of your personal files, but you don't see me getting all huffy.
Dilbert says, "And I need you to design a logo for our prototype." A man says, "We don't do that. We're the graphics support department. Talk to the graphics production department." Dilbert says, "They create logos?" The man says, "No, they tell people we do it."
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "Please hold while I escalate your complaint about my service." Dogbert says, "Hallow. Dis ees Doogbert's sooper-biser. You are a stupid, stupid, loooser." Dogbert says, "Ookay, pleeze hoold while I escooolade eben furder."