Value Added Support Comic Strips - Page 10
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350 Results for Value Added Support
View 91 - 100 results for value added support comic strips. Discover the best "Value Added Support" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 09,
2011
Tags anger, frustration, matrix comparing features, skin in game, bang head, cause extra work, value of time, ninja economics
Transcript
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday September 08,
2011
Tags computer software, computers & peripherals, conversation, risk assessment tools, communicate, enhance sector
Transcript
Man: We need to enhance our sector-relevant support for a suite of integrated risk assessment tools. Do you understand? Dilbert: Maybe. Is your point that you don't know how to communicate? Man: No. Dilbert: Oh. Then I didn't get it.
Wednesday August 10,
2011
Tags fraternization, bad haircut, poor font choice, hand sanitizer, substance over style
Transcript
Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?
Friday July 29,
2011
Tags exercise & fitness, office workers, engineers, telomeres, value work, company gym, slacker trap
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for engineers with short telomeres for their age. That's an indication that you value work above exercise. Man: But you have a company gym. Boss: That's our slacker trap!
Tuesday June 07,
2011
Tags public speaking, financial model, complicated, formula errors, management, figures support, schemes for career development, life is ridiculous
Transcript
Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?
Saturday April 30,
2011
Tags apathy, telephones, get tech support, audio menu, tech support, user manuals, hate customers, apathy thing
Transcript
Dogbert: I researched how long your customers will stay on the phone trying to get tech support before giving up. Then I designed an audio menu tree that will take them slightly longer than that to reach your tech support. I've seen your user manuals and I assume that you hate your customers' guts. Boss: It's more of an apathy thing.
Friday April 22,
2011
Tags cruelty, office workers, mindless task, intern, time, little value, jump out, nice way to say
Transcript
Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.
Tuesday November 16,
2010
Tags meetings, question, nonsense, optimize, value stream, surprise, talk, listening
Transcript
Wally says, "Are you leveraging our resources to optimize the client value stream?" Asok says, "What?" Wally says, "I'm just messing with you? Nothing I say in meetings actually means anything." Asok says, "Then why do you talk?" Wally says, "I tried listening once. It was awful."
Tuesday October 19,
2010
Tags evil, cat, director of human resources, sales bonus, raise target, boss, laugh, point, bend over, tail, annoyed, support, animals
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Ken says, "Every time I get near my sales bonus level, the pointy-haired boss raises the target!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! He just yanks it away! Ha ha ha!" Ken says, "I was hoping for some support." Catbert says, "Then buy a cane and talk to the tail! Ooogah!"
Monday October 04,
2010
Tags coworker, human resources, sit on table, broke arm, bandage, alice, angry, engineer, math, education, business, engineering
Transcript
Coworker says, "Alice broke my arm. You need to do something about this." Catbert says, "Okay. I'll compare Alice's economic value to yours and decide who to fire." Coworker says, "No fair! She's an engineer!" Catbert says, "You got beat up by someone who is also better at math?"