2018 Comic Strips - Page 10

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Death In The Family

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Death In The Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Catbert, death, Family, dies, specific

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Carol: Can I take time off for a death in the family? Catbert: Well, it depends who dies. Carol: Can you be more specific? Catbert: It has to be you.

Use Company Products

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Use Company Products - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, Wally, asok, alice, attention, products, required, use, bad, sign

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The Boss: It has come to my attention that none of you use the products we make. From now on you are all required to use our products. Asok: Aaaarg!!! Dilbert: Shoot me. The Boss: That's a bad sign. Wally: Nooo!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, co-workers, phone calls, cubicle, breaks, flow, Food, smells, break, room, pretending, thermostat

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Dilbert: My co-workers make it impossible to work. I hear every one of their phone calls. It's maddening. When they walk past my cubicle it breaks my flow. And don't get me started about the food smells coming from the break room. They ask me one dumb question after another. I don't know who keeps turning up the thermostat. But it's too hot to think. The Boss: Would it help if I threaten to fire you? Dilbert: It's worth a try I'll be in my cubicle pretending to work.

Fine Lines

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Fine Lines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, line, optimism, idiocy, cynicism, realism, will, love, dead, working

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Dilbert: I've noticed there's a fine line between optimism and idiocy. Wally: There's also a fine line between cynicism and realism. Dilbert: I just lost my will to live. Wally: There's a fine line between dead and working.

Everyone Does Their Job

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Everyone Does Their Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, deadline, Dilbert, fashion, jobs, negative, woman and dating

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Dilbert: We'll be ready by your deadline if everyone does their jobs in a timely fashion. Woman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It has never happened. Woman: Then you're saying you won't be ready by the deadline. Dilbert: Why must you be so negative?

Ted The Liar

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Ted The Liar - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, the boss, ted, liar, policy, forbid, disrespecting, co-workers, lying

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The Boss: Ted says you called him a liar. Our policy forbids disrespecting your co-workers. Alice: But Ted's lying is okay? The Boss: We don't have a policy about lying. Alice: Did Ted tell you that? The Boss: Yes. Oh...

No Policy Against Lying

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No Policy Against Lying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, ted, evil, director, human, resources, lying, policy, checked

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources. Ted: Alice called me a liar. Catbert: What were you doing when that happened? Ted: Lying. Catbert: Maybe we should talk about that. Ted: There's no company policy against lying I checked.

Work Is Dehumanizing

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Work Is Dehumanizing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, man, workplace, dehumanizing, Environment, dignity, name

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Man: This workplace is dehumanizing! I can no longer work in this environment! I refuse to allow any more assaults on my dignity. I quit! The Boss: And your name is...?

Coworkers Getting Dumber

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Coworkers Getting Dumber - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, Dilbert, imagination, co-workers, dumber, know

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Dilbert: Is it my imagination or are my co-workers getting dumber every day? Catbert: They aren't getting dumber. You're just getting to know them better. It looks the same.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, the boss, bad, technology, day, phone, freezing, printer, working, network, warning, lights, christmas, tree, laptop, boot, coincidence, permission, lock, lead-line, box, hero

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Wally: I'm having a bad technology day. My phone keeps freezing, my printer isn't working, and our network is down. Wally: My car's warning lights look like a Christmas tree, and my laptop won't boot up. Maybe its all just coincidence but I don't think we can take that chance. May I have permission to lock myself in a lead-lined box to protect the rest of the company? The Boss: How will I know you're really in a lead-lined box? Wally: YOu'll know because your phone will be working fine. The Boss: My phone is still working that man is a hero.