Drive Carefully Comic Strips - Page 10

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View 91 - 100 results for drive carefully comic strips. Discover the best "Drive Carefully" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #excuse, #meeting, #annoyed, #angry, #frustration, #business

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Ted the Drama queen Ted says, "I can't attend the meeting Tuesday because Barry thinks I didn't return his flash drive." Ted says, "I'm afraid of him because he's a liar and a drunk, and I heard he killed a cab driver." Ted says, "I'd wear a disguise, but prosthetic adhesives give me hives." Alice thinks, "Must...control...jack...hammer." buddabuddabudda

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreement, #areas of expertise, #business units, #confusion, #consolidate shared services, #diagnostic review, #evil director, #from centers, #invoice, #meeting, #presentation, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #favor, #ask, #phone ring, #children, #bogeyman, #mailman, #angry, #Family

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Dilbert says, "Carol, would you?" Carol says, "Here's an interesting experiment?" Carol says, "Watch what happens to your blood pressure when I take this call and make you wait." Carol says, "Yeah? What's the problem now?" Carol says, "Tell your brother I said to stop biting the ehads off your dolls." Carol says, "Uh-huh... well, if the man was wearing a postal uniform, he wasn't the bogeyman." Carol says, "You did what to him?" Carol says, "Listen carefully. I want you to tear up the carpet in the fancy bathroom..." Dilbert says, "I can come back."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pointy haired boss, #problem, #project, #upgrade denied, #stupid resolution, #extra disc space, #conscioussness

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"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #replacing system, #outdated, #gamification, #hot new trend, #employees wins, #badges, #ribbons, #awrds, #cash value, #garbage, #emotional value

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Boss: We're replacing our outdated system of annual performance reviews. The new system is called Gramification. It's a hot new trend. Employees can win badges, ribbons, and awards for completing tasks. Dilbert: Can we opt for the cash value of those badges, ribbons, and awards? Boss: They don't have any cash value. Dilbert: Oh. Like garbage? Boss: No, not like garbage! Except in the narrow sense of having no functional, economic, or emotional value. Garbage is something you throw away. Dilbert: Hand me an award and watch carefully.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alcoholic beverages, #executive retreat, #executives, #lower prices, #price war, #prices, #profit margin, #strategy

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Boss: Our new strategy is to lower our prices to increase sales. Dilbert: So our strategy is to start a price war and drive our profit margin to zero? Boss: It made sense at the executive retreat. Alice: Was alcohol involved?

Ceo Agrees To Mentor Wally

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Ceo Agrees To Mentor Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #power

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Wally: Will you be my mentor? CEO: Yes I will! You are wise to ask because it shows you have the drive to succeed. Wally: Exactly! Boss: Give me one good reason I shouldn't fire you. Wally: My mentor is your boss.

Wally's Passion

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Wally's Passion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #passion, #drive, #ambition, #laziness, #catch-22

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Wally: I'm only passionate about doing things that are socially unacceptable. Should I follow my passion or should I continue being useless? It is totally up to you. Catbert: Try to find a middle ground. Wally: A mild interest in things that don't matter.

How To Send The File

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How To Send The File - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brenna thummler, #cloud, #files, #guest artist, #options, #sharing, #technology

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Ted: Can you send me the file? Dilbert: Do you want it by email, Dropbox, Google Drive, iCloud Drive, Airdrop, or Creative Cloud? Ted: Surprise me. Dilbert: The surprise will be if you find it.