Elbonian Ceo Comic Strips - Page 10
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790 Results for Elbonian Ceo
View 91 - 100 results for elbonian ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Elbonian Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday October 26,
2011
Tags #big business, #business ethics, #ceo needs underling, #drink industrial sludge, #risk of brain worms, #drink himself
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO needs an underling to drink our industrial sludge at a press conference to prove it's safe. Asok: Um... is there some reason he doesn't do it himself? Boss: Yes, but I forget the details. It was something about the risk of brain worms.
Thursday October 27,
2011
Tags #big business, #business ethics, #public speaking, #spit take, #industrial sludge, #intern will drink
Transcript
CEO: I will prove our industrial sludge is safe by forcing an intern to drink a glass of it. Voice: That's stupid. We want to see you drink it yourself. CEO: See if you can reach that guy in the second row with a spit take.
Tuesday November 01,
2011
Tags #employees, #executives, #non giant situation, #shoulders of giants, #non giant, #business
Transcript
CEO: As your CEO, if I have seen farther, it is only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Plus whatever is going on over here. Dilbert: That's sort of a non-giant situation. Wally: And I haven't had shoulders since I was ten.
Wednesday December 14,
2011
Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #elbonian factory, #hysterical blindness, #hats, #long hats, #elbonian, #conveyor belt
Transcript
Dilbert: We have a safety problem at our Elbonian factory. We're getting reports of hysterical blindness. They don't what's causing it. Elbonian: I can't see!
Wednesday December 21,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #wealth, #ceo, #good job, #50 million dollar bonus, #not motivated, #bad genes, #inequality, #dosaprity, #ceo and worker, #unfair wages, #crazy money, #slave wages, #more work, #no rewards, #money
Transcript
Carol: What does our CEO get if he does a good job? Boss: A fifty million dollar bonus. Carol: What do I get if I do a good job? Boss: More work. Carol: What's your best guess about why I'm not motivated? Boss: Bad genes.
Friday January 13,
2012
Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #saving & investment, #raises, #debt crisis, #economic uncertainty, #board of directors, #stock options, #money
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Saturday January 28,
2012
Tags #absent mindedness, #machinery, #build robots, #wait a week, #forgets
Transcript
CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.
Saturday February 18,
2012
Tags #gadgets, #sales personnel, #tablet computer, #prototype, #indestuctable, #crash
Transcript
CEO: Our tablet computer is indestructible. Watch this... Man: Our company is next. Find the prototype. CEO: Oops. Was that yours?
Monday February 20,
2012
Tags #charity, #bottle caps, #fund, #chemo, #pro children, #snopes.com, #internet hoax, #award mug
Transcript
CEO: Thanks to your leadership, we collected twenty thousand bottle caps to help fund chemo for poor children. And thanks to your... whatever... we checked snopes.com and learned that the bottle cap thing was an internet hoax. I only brought one teamwork award mug, so you'll have to take turns drinking from it.
Friday March 02,
2012
Tags #business ethics, #environmental issues, #fracking, #competitors, #headquarters, #pollute water, #generate earthquakes, #fracking awesome
Transcript
CEO: We're going to start fracking under our biggest competitors headquarters. My plan is to pollute their water and generate earthquakes to destroy their campus. The project code name is "fracking awesome." Dilbert: Catchy.