Erased Hard Drive Comic Strips - Page 10
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405 Results for Erased Hard Drive
View 91 - 100 results for erased hard drive comic strips. Discover the best "Erased Hard Drive" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday December 06,
2012
Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #career advice, #work hard, #destroy helath, #personal life, #happiness advice, #psychology
Transcript
Asok: Alice, do you have any valuable career advice? Alice: Work so hard that it destroys your health and crowds out any chance of having a personal life. Asok: Wouldn't that make me... unhappy? Alice: You didn't ask for happiness advice.
Tuesday December 11,
2012
Tags #business ethics, #mergers & acquisitions, #redendancy, #hard work, #fired, #card board boxes
Transcript
Boss: Ted, the merger has made your job redundant. As a reward for your years of hard work, feel free to use one of our cardboard boxes to get your junk out of here. Uh-oh. It looks like we forgot to hide the good boxes.
Sunday December 30,
2012
Tags #delusional sociopath, #executives, #gardener, #goat writing autobiograohy, #hallucinations, #hard work, #intuition, #magical thinking, #non-fiction, #vision, #regrets
Transcript
Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.
Monday February 11,
2008
Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast
Transcript
Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.
Wednesday December 10,
2008
Tags #elderly, #old, #phone, #landline phones, #no caller id, #new technology, #offered hard candy, #fiddlesticks, #couldn't hear
Transcript
We surveyed a thousand people who still have landline phones and no caller I.D. We asked for their opinion on our new technology. 34% said, "Fiddlesticks," and 23% couldn't hear the question. 43% thought we were in the room with them and offered us a hard candy.
Wednesday March 03,
2010
Tags #victor, #project, #goat head, #upset, #angry, #awful, #slap, #help, #ask, #wind up, #stand on one leg, #cringe, #hard hit, #dolphin head, #change species, #seeing stars, #messy hair
Transcript
Asok says, "Alice, a horrible accident has given me a goat head. I need you to slap me so hard that I change species from the neck up." Alice says, "Hold still, Asok. This might take a few tries." Two Hours Later Alice says, "Dolphin is close! One more should do it."
Monday April 05,
2010
Tags #proofread, #technical document, #acronyms, #change, #lemon flutes, #hard flea, #nonsense
Transcript
Tina says, "I proofread your technical document despite not understanding a word of it." Tina says, "I couldn't tell the acronyms from the typos, so I changed them all to whatever felt right." The Boss says, "You say we should migrate our lemon flutes to a hard flea?" Dilbert says, "Not all at once."
Friday May 21,
2010
Tags #recipe, #leadership, #hard part, #strategy, #hand over papers, #season, #pinch
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I collected optimistic data, put it in the context of bad analogies, seasoned it with saliency bias?" Dilbert says, "?Added herd instinct, a pinch of confirmation bias? and here's your strategy." Dilbert says, "Just add leadership." The Boss says, "Why do I always get the hard part?"
Sunday October 07,
2007
Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule
Transcript
The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"
Friday August 31,
2007
Tags #firing, #let go, #no money, #budget, #typo, #request, #planning reward, #hard work
Transcript
The Boss: "Ted, I have to let you go, but there's a good reason." "There's no money to pay your salary because I made a typo in my budget request." "Until then, I was totally planning to reward your hard work."