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Unexpected Things Happen

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Unexpected Things Happen - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2016's comic on:

Tags #deadline, #project, #schedule, #excuse

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CEO: What's the latest on the software release date? Wally: We're right on time for the pre-alpha launch, unless we run into something unexpected. CEO: How often does that happen? Wally: Whenever I need it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2016's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #paradox, #logic

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Boss: How's the software coming along? Wally: We're in the Zeno's paradox phase of the project. Boss: The what? Wally: It means every step we take gets us halfway closer to launch. Boss: Can you keep up that pace? Wally: I'm hoping it will look that way. Boss: Is Zeno's paradox a real thing? Dilbert: You'll find out. Narrator: Next Week. Boss: How's your project? Wally: Halfway closer than last week.

Complexity Is A Good Thing For Wally

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Complexity Is A Good Thing For Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2016's comic on:

Tags #technology, #inventions, #scapegoat, #excuse, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: People say the complexity of modern life is a bad thing. But for useless people such as me, it creates endless opportunities. Boss: Why aren't you done yet? Wally: My smartwatch was infected with ransomware.

I Own You

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I Own You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2016's comic on:

Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #communication, #text, #control

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Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.

Wally's Awesome Emails

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Wally's Awesome Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2016's comic on:

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #excuse, #competition, #accomplishment

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Alice: This week I designed and built a prototype that can turn any kind of garbage into fuel. Boss: And Wally? Wally: I sent out some emails, but no one answered. Before you judge me, keep in mind that you don't know how awesome those emails were.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2016's comic on:

Tags #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #chaos theory

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Woman: When will you finish the technical review? Wally: That will depend on a variety of unknowns. A lot can happen between now and whenever you imagine I might be done with it. No one knows the future. I'd be a liar if I said I did, and you don't want a co-worker who is a liar, do you? Or do you? Woman: Lying would be better than whatever this is. Wally: In that case, I'll have it tomorrow.

Wally's Work Life Balance

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Wally's Work Life Balance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2016's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse

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Wally: I can't do your urgent task because I'm on deadline for my boss. I can't meet your deadline because I have an urgent task from a co-worker. I finally figured out the whole "work-life balance" thing.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2016's comic on:

Tags #criticism, #excuse, #illness

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Wally: I have a note from my doctor. It says I'm too sensitive to handle criticism. I don't understand all the medical details. It has something to do with the mind-body connection. One minor criticism from you and my lungs will collapse. If that happens, you'll need to pinch my nose, create a seal with your mouth, and reinflate them. Boss: This doctor's note looks like your handwriting. Wally: Ow! My lung!

Who's Turn To Lie

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Who's Turn To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2016's comic on:

Tags #excuse, #excuses, #deadline, #lying

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Boss: Our CEO stopped by to see how long before we finish the new software. Dilbert: Whose turn is it to lie to him? Boss: I blamed Elbonian hackers last week. Dilbert: You're using all the good ones!

Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work

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Wally's Red File Gets Him Out Of Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2017's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #ruse, #work ethic, #deception, #excuse

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Wally: I'd love to help you, but I'm busy working on the red file. Woman: Is the red file a real thing or just a thing you say to get out of work? Wally: It's all the same on your end.