Kill For Asking Comic Strips - Page 10

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View 91 - 100 results for kill for asking comic strips. Discover the best "Kill For Asking" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #operating, #manual, #buying, #flowers, #opening, #doors, #money, #woman, #Women, #dating

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Would you like to see my operating manual?" Dilbert asks, "Operating manual?" The woman explains, "It's an aid to men. It covers everything from 'buying flowers' to 'opening doors.'" Dilbert reads the manual and says, "Looks like you're due to have your jewelry rotated." The woman replies, "Every thirty days. Saves money in the long run."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pig, #capitalism, #process, #mud, #making, #communism, #elbonian, #elbonia, #Politics, #Dilbert

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An Elbonian asks Dilbert, "How do we know you came to Elbonia just to teach us capitalism?" Another man says, "Yeah . . . Maybe you came to steal our secret process for making mud!!" Dilbert asks, "Dirt and water?" As Dilbert stands in the distance, an Elbonian says, "He knows . . ." The pig says, "We'll have to kill him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #woman, #witch, #practicing, #awful, #lawn ornaments, #tacky, #lawn

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Dilbert sits at a restaurant table with a woman. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me out. Most guys get scared when they find out I'm a practicing witch." The woman continues, "Then they say something I don't like and I end up turning them into lawn ornaments." Dilbert replies, "That's awful!" The woman says, "Tell me about it . . . you can't believe how tacky my lawn is now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dawn, #bob, #dinosaurs, #cult, #trucks, #questioning

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs asks, "Uh . . . Dilbert, could we get your advice?" Bob says, "We just joined Dogbert's new cult." Dawn says, "And he ordered us to kill each other for questioning him." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Maybe you could just shove each other in front of trucks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bradley, #Dilbert, #valid, #analyst, #witch, #finances, #accounting, #budget report

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Witch: So... You've come to the accounting department for an explanation of the budget report, aye? Unchain him, Bradley. Normally we would torture and kill you for questioning our report. Dilbert: But you realized that my questions are valid? Witch: No. I'm promoting Bradley. You're my new analyst.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #grief, #scum, #caskets, #newspapers, #denial, #anger, #economics

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The caption says, "The three stages of grief; denial." Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "No . . . Dilbert can't be dead." The caption says, "Anger." Dogbert stands on his pillow and thinks, "I'll kill the scum who did it!" The caption says, "Economics." Dogbert says into the phone, "No expensive caskets. Just wrap him in newspapers; he would have wanted it that way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #absence, #mother, #nature, #absence dog, #cloned, #sick, #woman, #employee, #leave of absence

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A woman says, "Dilbert, I need to fill out an absence report for the days you missed work." Dilbert replies, "Well, Mother Nature got mad and had wild deer kill me. But my garbage man and my dog cloned me back to life." The woman says, "I'll put 'sick.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judicial proceedings, #lawyer, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hypothetical, #hypocracy, #jury duty, #standing, #less, #people, #executioner, #client

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The defense lawyer says, "Okay, let's say that, hypothetically, my client did kill those people . . ." His client is holding an ax and wearing an executioner's hat. The attorney says to Dilbert and the other members of the jury, "Chances are that it was nobody you know." The lawyer continues, "And the next time you're standing in a long line, ask yourself: 'Am I better off now that there are less people?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #tabloid, #devoted, #lies, #impatience, #fools, #legendary, #choked, #man, #necktie, #stupid, #questions, #shoulder

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The caption says, "Dogbert starts a tabloid newspaper devoted to lies about himself." Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types. Dilbert asks, "Where do you get your ideas?" Dogbert types, "Dogbert's impatience with fools was legendary. He once choked a man by his necktie for asking stupid questions." Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder as Dogbert types, "It happened one day when the fool was reading over Dogbert's shoulder and got too close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #cop, #under, #arrest, #killing, #senior, #executive, #ear, #corn, #self-defense

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Dilbert opens the door. A police officer points a gun at him and says, "You're under arrest for killing a senior executive of your company with an ear of corn." As the officer frisks him, beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's head and he cries, "It . . . It was self-defense! HE started the food fight! I had just seasoned my corn . . . It was in my hand . . . It was just a reflex!!" The officer says, "The charge is 'a salt and buttering with intent to kill.'"