Mail Yourself Home Comic Strips - Page 10
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The Boss puts his hand on Ted's back and says, "Ted, there's a huege demand for employees like you." The Boss continues, "Not you specifically...which is funny if you think about it." The Boss calls after him as he walks away, "Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?"
Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"
Dilbert and the woman from the gym are walking outside. The woman says, "We're such a mismatch that I doubt you'll ever improve yourself all the way to my level." She continues, "Maybe I could meet you in the middle by gaining thirty pounds and getting a terrible haircut." Dilbert and the woman sit on the bank of the river. She continues, "...Knock out a few teeth, wear stained clothes, chew tobacco..."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer at home. He says into the telephone, "Look, I have three computers in the house. All three simultaneously lost e-mail but not web function." He continues, shaking his fist in the air, "That means the problem is in your e- mail service. Can you grasp that concept?" Dilbert is laying on the couch with a cup of coffee. He says into the phone, "Okay. I'm re-entering my account information... Hey, guess what? That didn't work either."
Dilbert, Wally, and Asok are eating lunch. Asok says, "I plan to use my raise to move my home in the handicapped stall to a storage facility." Asok continues, "If you are trying to think of a housewarming gift, I wouldn't say no to a flashlight." Wally says, "If you need help moving, don't hesitate to call Alice." Asok replies, "You are too kind."
Asok asks The Boss, "May I have a day off to move my home?" The Boss says, "One hour." Asok replies, "What? Why only one hour?" The Boss says, "I like to negotiate." Asok says, "I guess I can try doing it in one hour." The Boss adds, "And you can't use a vehicle."
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I just sent you an email." The Boss continues, "Here's a copy of my message but I'll just tell you what it says." The Boss concludes, "It says I sent you a voice mail telling you to look for a fax that says I want to talk to you." Alice clenches her teeth.
The Boss approaches Asok and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on our special self- monitoring program." The Boss continues, "If you have any questions whatsoever, feel free to talk to yourself." As he walks away, The Boss thinks, "I'm the master of non-monetary rewards."
The Boss types, "Trie to be moor prophesional in your commudicashuns." Dilbert and Wally read the email. Dilbert giggles at his computer, "Hee Hee!" Wally says, "Let's forward it to all our friends so they can see what an idiot we work for." Dilbert says, "But you're my only friend." Wally replies, "Don't flatter yourself."
Headline: To: Employees From: Catbert. Catbert types, "All non-work conversations are banned." Catbert continues typing, "From now on you're only allowed to talk about work." An employee is eating dinner at home with his family. All of his children are asleep at the table. His wife says, "I think it only applies during work hours." The employee responds, "I can't take that chance."