Management Retreat Comic Strips - Page 10
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345 Results for Management Retreat
View 91 - 100 results for management retreat comic strips. Discover the best "Management Retreat" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 10,
2003
Tags #drive ny management, #sprayed cubicle, #irrational orders, #waddled away, #wadlle, #funny word, #empathy
Transcript
Dilbert is home; his arm is in a sling. He says to Dogbert, "I'm a victim of drive-by management." Dilbert continues, "He sprayed my cubicle with irrational orders and waddled away." Dogbert responds, "Heh-heh, waddle is a funny word." Dilbert waves his free hand and says, "I feel your empathy slipping away."
Saturday May 17,
2003
Tags #management techniques, #existence of books, #which one, #read, #making mad, #trick
Transcript
Dilbert raises his hand in a meeting and asks, "Question: How do you know which management technique works best?" Dilbert continues, "Logically, doesn't the existence of thousands of management books show that no one knows what works best?" The Boss responds, "The trick is knowing which one to read." Dilbert responds, "Now you're just making me mad."
Friday June 06,
2003
Tags #senior management knows, #key employees, #hard imes, #bonuses, #black mailing themselves, #sound bad, #huge retention
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Senior management knows they need to retain key employees during hard times." The Boss continues, "That's why they're giving themselves huge retention bonuses." Alice responds, "So, they're blackmailing themselves?" The Boss says, "You can make anything sound bad."
Wednesday July 09,
2003
Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"
Friday August 29,
2003
Tags #magic management, #doubted powers, #single employee, #hard at work
Transcript
Wally: Tinkle tinkle tinkle. "Boss approaching." The Boss: "Thanks for the magic management necklace! I have to admit that I doubted its powers." The Boss: "But since I've been wearing it, I haven't seen a single employee who wasn't hard at work."
Tuesday September 02,
2003
Tags #tech solution, #simple, #cost fortune, #internal approvals, #vast herds, #management dolts
Transcript
Dilbert: "The technical solution is simple and inexpensive." "But it would cost a fortune to get internal approvals because vast herds of management dolts would get involved." "So I should just do it, right?" The Boss: "Did you just call me a vast herd?"
Friday June 04,
2004
Tags #decions, #dark demon, #ineffective management, #help deciosn, #requested smitting
Transcript
"Uh-oh, someone wants me to make a decision." "I summon the dark demon of ineffective management to smite the person who wants this decision!!!" "Maybe I could help you make the decision." "I requested smiting."
Monday July 19,
2004
Tags #hairball, #stock options, #evil director, #human resources, #bous system, #kindness of management, #business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: stock options will be replaced with a bonus system. Dilbert: So....now my happiness depends on the kindness of management instead of the gullibility of our investors? Catbert: allow me to respond by hacking a hairball in your direction.
Monday August 02,
2004
Tags #bad year, #committed, #compensation packages, #management, #stay course, #visons
Transcript
The boss: "We've had a bad year but management is commited to staying the course." Dilbert: "Question: did you just say our leaders are receiving huge compensation packages to keep doing what doesn't work?" The Boss: "No. The way I said it, they're visionaries." Dilbert: "So ... they keep doing what doesn't work ... and they see visions?"
Friday October 01,
2004
Tags #earned 100 million, #senior management, #unexpended stock options, #incentivized
Transcript
CEO: "Tomorrow I'll tell the stockholders that we earned $100 million!" dilbert: "Will you tell them that you gave all of their profits to senior management in the form of unexpensed stock options?" "We had to be incentivized." "So you wouldn't take their furniture, too?"