Managers Brain Comic Strips - Page 10

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View 91 - 100 results for managers brain comic strips. Discover the best "Managers Brain" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert consultsincentivize the resources, #grow bandwidth, #end state vision, #kimono, #consult and blabbery, #core competencies, #brain dump

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Dogbert consults. Incentivize the resources to grow within their bandwidth to your end-state vision. "Don't open the Kimono until you ping the change agent for brain dump and drill down to your core competencies." "Confused look...huge invoice...this man is a victim of consult and blabbery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers elbow, #patting yourself on back, #prescription, #leptard, #cirque du soliel

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Doctor: You've got a bad case of manager's elbow. Its caused by patting yourself on the back and covering your butt at the same time. Doctor: I recommend that you doing the cirque du soleil. Im giving you a prescription for a leotard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #forgetting things, #hospital, #odctors, #exam room, #monkeys brain, #replace brain, #medical

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"I keep forgetting where I put things." "The problem is that you're stupid." "I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain." "Will that help?" "No, I just hate monkeys."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent monded, #cauliflower, #replace brain, #specialist, #untested, #worth a cahnce

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"I'm referring you to a specialist who can treat your absent-mindedness." "His method is untested, but I think it's worth a chance." "You'll replace my brain with a cauliflower?" "They're just like brains, but much cheaper."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brain transplant, #ask anything, #roman general crossing rubicon, #dijon, #vinagrette

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Dilbert: How'd your brain transplant work out? The Boss: Great . ask me anything. Dilbert: What roman general was famous for crossing the rubicon river? Caesar Dilbert: wow thats right. The boss: Phew! Im glad I didn't ho with dijon vinagarette

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bearded guy, #too close, #Dilbert, #bugged out, #touching brain with nose

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Then I said... Dilbert: He is totally violating my personal space with his non-standard facial hair." "HA! HA! HA! HA!" Gaaa!!! His warm, moist breath is all over me!" "Please stop touching my brain with your nose."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #engineers, #middleman, #worse case scenario, #business

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CEO: One of your engineers came to me with a suggestion. Boss: Gasp! CEO: The only reason I have middle managers is so this never happens. Dilbert: Hey, buddy. What are we talking about? CEO: Gaaa!!! Worst case scenario!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #leader, #manager, #bad managers, #hinesty, #business

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Boss: I see myself as more of a leader than a manager. Catbert: That's what all bad managers say. I'm just being honest. Boss: That's what all jerks say.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brain parasite, #eliminate redundancy, #executives, #lying, #mergers & acquisitions, #more choices

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Boss: Our CEO has promised that the merger will cause no layoffs. Dilbert: Is that because he's too incompetent to eliminate obvious redundancies or is he just lying? Boss: Can you give me more choices? Dilbert: A brain parasite is making him say stupid stuff?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #above average, #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #top 110%, #study of managers, #percentages, #business

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Boss: A study says that 74% of managers think they are above average. That means that 36% of managers aren't aware that they are above average too. Dilbert: The way I look at it, you're all in the top 110%. Boss: Exactly. Thank you.