Never Born Comic Strips - Page 10
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649 Results for Never Born
View 91 - 100 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday November 04,
2011
Tags comparing a task, criticism, employees, executives, quality is bad, your imagination, time, quality, boss, business
Transcript
Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday November 13,
2011
Tags engineers, inventions, bend light, around obkject, cloak of invisibility, make billions, selling to military, tricked, ploy, sneaky, empty looking chair
Transcript
Wally: I discovered a way to bend light around an object to form a cloak of invisibility. We'll make billions selling it to the military. I'll be testing it over the next several months. You'll know it's working if you never see me in the office. During that time, don't sit in any empty-looking chairs unless you first shout my name and clap. WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?! Boss: What? I don't see anything. Wally; How do you like it so far?
Wednesday December 07,
2011
Tags meetings, public speaking, let slide, power point, presentation, bored, sleeping audience, low expectations
Transcript
Dilbert: And that's my last slide, any comments? Woman: You stole an hour of my life, something inside me died. I will never have another good day. Dilbert: I went in with low expectations. Wally: They can't hurt you if you're already dead.
Friday December 16,
2011
Tags gadgets, phone heard, phone scheduled meeting, schedule a meeting., secretaries (office), digital world, replaces humans
Transcript
Boss: Schedule a meeting with Dilbert and Alice for next Tuesday at ten. Phone: Done. Boss: Never mind. My phone took care of it. Awkward.
Friday December 23,
2011
Tags big business, cost & standard of living, green goals, recycling bins, company documents, corporate secuirty, blue recycling bins, same policies
Transcript
Boss: To reach our green goals, employees must always use the blue recycling bins for company documents. To satisfy our corporate security guidelines, never put company documents in the blue recycling bins. Dilbert: You read those same policies to us last week. Boss: I don't know how to get rid of them.
Tuesday January 03,
2012
Tags computers & peripherals, electronic mail, reschedule, installation, defense, miscommunication, email, denial
Transcript
Boss: I told you to reschedule the installation date. Dilbert: That conversation never happened. Maybe you planned to say it and then the thought morphed into a false memory. Boss: I'm sure I emailed you. Dilbert: You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.
Thursday January 12,
2012
Tags gloating, rich people, leadership experts, brag about weath, comforatble
Transcript
Boss: Leadership experts say I should never brag about my wealth. Let's just say I'm "comfortable." So very, very comfortable. Alice: Yeah, this isn't working.
Sunday January 29,
2012
Tags mobile (cell) phones, telephones, vendor, hardware, field, pony, ask alice, winners, bad connection
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, listen carefully. I need you to... vendor... hardware... immediately. Dilbert: What? We have a bad connection. Boss: Field... the... grep... pony... budget. Dilbert: What? What? Boss: I have another call. Just ask Alice. Alice: How would I know what he wants? Leave me alone. Dilbert: I wonder how winners feel. Wally: I don't know. They never let me touch them.
Wednesday February 22,
2012
Tags frustration, mobile (cell) phones, dead battery, charge cell phone, too busy, no time
Transcript
Co-worker: You never answer when I call your cell. Wally: My battery is dead. Co-worker: Maybe you should charge it for once. Wally: I don't have time for that. Co-worker: What do you do all day that makes you so busy? Wally: For starters, I have this conversation a lot.
Thursday March 15,
2012
Tags viruses, piranha flu, sneezes, bad allergies
Transcript
Carol: I've got a wicked case of piranha flu. Ted: I've never heard of... Carol: Ahchooo!!! I should probably tell people I just have bad allergies.