Poor Results Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

154 Results for Poor Results

View 91 - 100 results for poor results comic strips. Discover the best "Poor Results" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weekly wally report, #pointy haired troll, #dumped record, #levels of work, #moral delemma, #disappoint stock holders, #last ounce of happiness, #one choice, #reading ahead, #assignments

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greedy boss, #huge growth earnings, #mean boss, #miss growth, #poised, #stock options vest, #unrelated move, #leave company

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Our CEO says we are poised for huge growth in earnings." The Boss continues, "In an unrelated move, he announced that he will leave the company before any of his stock options vest." Wally and Dilbert look horrified and their ties fly up in front of their faces as The Boss says, "The poor guy will miss all of our growth."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting system, #dysfunctional, #meaningless, #payroll exppenses, #zero, #management genius

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #smashed pay, #share the pain, #six million to four, #sandwich bag underwear, #intern is poor

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Asok and Dilbert, "Our CEO has voluntarily slashed his pay from six million per year to four." The Boss continues, "In a written statement he said he wants to 'share the pain.' The Boss asks, "Do you feel better now?" Asok replies, "I make my own underwear from sandwich bags."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #psychological profile, #start monday, #employee handbook, #weekend, #gentle biker, #psycho hillbilly

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is sitting on his desk. He says, "Your psychological profile test results are excellent. Can you start Monday?" A hairy, half dressed man carrying a knife replies, "Monday is fine. I'll read the employee handbook over the weekend." The hairy man says to Dilbert and Alice, "The 'gentle biker' look is overdone. I'm going for 'psycho hillbilly.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disgram, #shares connected, #lines, #impressive words, #synchronized space, #presentation, #experiment, #disturbing, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is carrying-out a presentation. He is standing in front of the attendees, next to a diagram. He says: "I'd like to start with a diagram." He points at the diagram and explains: "It's a bunch of shapes connected by lines." He continues: "Now I will say some impressive words." He says: "Synchronized Incremental Digital Integrated Dynamic E-Commerce Space." He asks: "Any questions?" One of the attendees raises his hand and asks: "May I have a copy of your presentation?" Dilbert stands alone, surrounded by white space and silence. He arrives home and tells Dogbert: "The results of my experiment are disturbing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #females do hunting, #alice stalks prey, #razor sharp words, #hyenas are laughing, #tears her prey

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert observes Alice and records, "The females of the group do all the hunting. The one I call Alice stalks her prey." Alice is angrily typing an email, "Grrrrr." Dogbert continues, "She pounces. Her razor-sharp words tear the prey to shreds." In another cubicle, a coworker has been burnt and is emitting smoke. Other coworkers lean over the cubicle wall and laugh. Dogbert thinks, "The results are gruesome. Only the hyenas are laughing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #hits on hire, #crazy mess, #problems, #asks to move in, #wants dinner

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: "Your life is a rolling disaster, so I figure I should ask you for a date." "I'm hoping that the source of your problem is that you consistently make poor choices." "Maybe you could buy some groceries and make me a nice dinner." "Would you like to move in with me?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #great managing, #engaged, #disengaged, #praise and recognition, #encourage developement, #important job, #opinions count, #prodcutivity, #drop dead, #learn and grow

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Here's a list of the twelve elements of great managing. If you do everything on that list, it will make me feel what experts call "engaged." If you fail to do your job properly, I will feel all disengaged and do poor work. This would be a convenient time to give me some praise and recognition. You might also want to encourage my development and tell me my job is important. Remember to care about me as a person and tell me my opinions count. If you do all of that, plus seven more things on the list, you might get some productivity out of me. Boss: Leave my office and drop dead. Wally: Will that help me learn and grow?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #create software, #small investors, #pick stocks, #past trends, #hubris, #ignorance, #testimonials

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"