Pretend To Choke Comic Strips - Page 10

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

105 Results for Pretend To Choke

View 91 - 100 results for pretend to choke comic strips. Discover the best "Pretend To Choke" comics from Dilbert.com.

How You Should Have Engineered It

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How You Should Have Engineered It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #engineering, #pessimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Let's skip to the part where I tell you how you should have engineered it instead of whatever you did. Coworker: You don't know what I did. Dilbert: I have five minutes to pretend that matters. Coworker: That's all I need.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illusion, #strategy, #business, #executives, #bluff, #bluffing

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.

Charge All Hours To Projects

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Charge All Hours To Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #billing, #honesty, #fraud, #money, #time

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Make sure you charge 100 percent of your time to project codes. Dilbert: Are you asking us to fraudulently apply our miscellaneous hours to specific projects so we can overbill clients? Boss: It's not a crime if you pretend it was an accident. Dilbert: Did you learn that in "flaw" school?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

Culture As An Asset

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #culture, #motivation, #strategy, #buzzword, #jargon, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #complaint, #ignore, #attention, #results, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I have complaints about my boss. Many, many complaints. Catbert: Tell me about it while I pretend to listen. Tina: Then you will look into my complaints? Catbert: Is there any way you would know if I didn't?

Pretending To Be Helpful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insulting, #coworkers, #consultation, #indirect, #pretend, #helpful, #grammar, #slide deck

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

No Good Ideas In Decades

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Good Ideas In Decades - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #candid, #ageism, #conversation, #speaking, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: May I make a suggestion? Dilbert: Sure. Do you mind if I only pretend to listen because you haven't had a good idea in several decades? Man: That's fine. I was only looking forward to the part where I'm talking. Dilbert: Proceed.

Deducing Rank

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Deducing Rank - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hierarchy, #rank, #marketing, #jargon, #lingo, #adspeak, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.

Arguing With Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Arguing With Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #secret, #tip, #arguing, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.