Snap You Into Next Week Comic Strips - Page 10

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View 91 - 100 results for snap you into next week comic strips. Discover the best "Snap You Into Next Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #turned into sheep, #wear as sweater, #advice not ridicule, #pushy sheep, #bright side, #dilberts mother

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Dilbert's mom is cooking dinner. Dilbert says to her, "...And the next thing I knew, I'd been turned into a sheep." Dilbert's mom replies, "On the bright side, I won't need to remind you to wear a sweater." Dilbert says, "I was hoping for advice, not ridicule." Dilbert's mom replies, "No one likes a pushy sheep."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hammerhead bob, #start butting into private lives, #sense annoyance

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"Great. The only seat is next to Hammerhead Bob." "I'm learning ESP so I can start butting into people's private thoughts." "I sense annoyance, yet there seems to be no cause."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #follow arc, #phase one, #unwarranted optimism, #delusions of competence, #phase two, #obstructionists slither, #smother dreams, #ignorance and envy, #fuel rumors, #morph into common knowledge, #resources allocated, #misinformation and favoritism, #requirements will drift, #undesirable and impossible

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Dilbert says, "Our project plan will follow the usual arc." Dilbert says, "Phase one will be unwarranted optimism supported by delusions of competence." Dilbert says, "In phase two, the obstructionists will slither out of their lairs and try to smother our dreams." Dilbert says, "Ignorance and envy will fuel rumors that get repeated until they morph into common knowledge." Dilbert says, "Resources will be allocated based on misinformation and favoritism." Dilbert says, "And requirements will drift until the project is both undesirable and impossible." Dilbert says, "That brings us to the second week." Asok says, "I want my unwarranted optimism back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead for week, #managed reincarnation, #own clone, #shapeshifting skills, #snicker bar, #cable guy, #waited at house, #equivalent

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Asok: "I was dead for a week, but I managed to reincarnate into my own clone and use my shapeshifting skills to look less like a snickers bar." Carol: "I once waited four hours for a cable tv guy to show up at my house." Asok: "Those stories are no equivalent." Carol: "It's subjective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enhance strategy, #next adjacency, #no way to verify

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The Boss: "What have you done lately to enhance our strategy into the next adjacency?" Dilbert: "I don't know what that means, so I'm going to say 'everything.'" The Boss: "He's lucky there's no way to verify that claim."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #power supply, #product overheats, #burst into flames, #level city, #military application, #costs, #ten million, #free hammer, #consulting job, #uninhabited, #atoll

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Dilbert enters and says, "The power supply in our product overheats." The Boss turns to an employee seated next to him and says, "I think they might burst into flames." The employee approaches a businesswoman and says, "I'm no engineer but obviously it could level a whole city." The businesswoman motions towards a diagram of an explosion that reads, "POW!!" She says to the seated military officer, "The military application is obvious." The military officer asks stoically, "How much do they cost?" The businesswoman answers furtively, "Does 10 million dollars sound like too much?" The military officer raises his fist in protest and exclaims, "For that kind of money I expect a free hammer! And a consulting job when I retire." Dilbert is sitting at his desk in front of his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "If an uninhabited atoll doesn't blow up tomorrow you're in big trouble."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #leadership, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #choices, #bullying, #60 hour week, #fatique, #lower quality, #enlightened leader, #work fewer hours, #better outcome, #illusion, #created by underlings, #abuse, #pian, #enforcement, #business

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Dilbert: You have an interesting choice today. You can continue bullying me into working sixty hours per week... while knowing that fatigue will lower the quality of my work. Or you can be an enlightened leader and encourage me to work fewer hours for a better net outcome. Boss: I'm not supposed to tell you this, but... leadership is an illusion created by the abuse of underlings. The more pain I force you to endure, the more of a leader I appear to be. How's the truth feel? Dilbert: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #confused, #emails accounts, #internet & world wide web, #might snap, #pin code, #too many passwords, #user names, #chaos, #crazy, #lose it, #mental, #breakdown, #overload, #technological, #psychology

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Dogbert's password recovery service. Ted: I have so many passwords and email accounts and user names that I don't know what goes to what. I'm lost. If you can't help me I think I might snap. Dogbert: No problem. What's your password recovery PIN code? Noise: SNAP!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #administrative agencies, #project timeline, #waste one week, #set up meeting, #available in a week

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview, #money

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Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"