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Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated, #psychology
Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.
Robot: I see you have a bacteria- soaked parasite growing in your womb. Robot: After the singularity, when robots rule the galaxy, I'll turn that thing into a personal slave. Tina: You're not god at small talk. Robot: I wonder how many watts it can produce.
The Boss: I want the entire staff to meet at 10 A.M. every day for a five-minute huddle. The Boss: We'll use this high-energy stand-up meeting to solve problems and share successes. The Boss: Who has a problem that can be solved in a minute?"Wally: I'm tired. Can I sit on you?"
Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"
The Boss says, "Are you having any problems taking over Victor's project?" Dilbert says, "Nope. Smooth sailing so far." Asok says, "Smooth??? It gave me a goat head!!!" Dilbert says, "He asked if I had any problems. Wait for your turn, Asok." Asok says, "Sorry."
Dilbert says, "It's not right to use your tech support job to trick people into hurting themselves." Dogbert says, "I help people take their minds off of hopeless technical problems." Dilbert says, "How do you know a problem is hopeless?" Dogbert says, "Great. So now pessimism is a crime?"
The Boss says, "Are you running into any problems?" Alice says, "Only the kind that you make worse." The Boss says, "Name one problem that I make worse!" Alice says, "I have too many distractions." The Boss says, "Do you have any problems that aren't like that one?" Alice says, "Only in my fantasies."
Wally says, "I considered getting an earring to make myself more fascinating." Wally says, "But I spend a lot of time sleeping in my chair, so I need my head to be center balanced." Dilbert says, "You don't have normal problems." Wally says, "I almost died getting my hair cut."