Teach Elbonians Comic Strips - Page 10

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View 91 - 100 results for teach elbonians comic strips. Discover the best "Teach Elbonians" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonians Steal Encryption Software

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Elbonians Steal Encryption Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags encryption, technology, national security, privacy, terrorism, terrorist

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Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, help, altruism, selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company rules, insulting, co workers, teach how, insult, within guidelines, standing desk, meeting, employer, business

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

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 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags teach, insult, compliment, function, guidelines, co workers, insult co workers

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DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Teach Employees To Code

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Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computers, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, teaching, smart

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Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time travel, elbonia, time, 70 years future, great grandson, set thing, won't work out, cave, pool, monster, gun

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Dilbert: I hope I'm not calling too late. What time is it in Elbonia? Elbonian: We're seventy years in your future. I'm the great grandson of the guy you are trying to reach. By the way, that SETI thing won't work out the way you're hoping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, quarreling, mastered art, being useless, next level, toxic, toxic people, complain, personal problems

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Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inventions, thinking, creative, teacher, business card, ideationista, education

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Boss: I hired Ken to teach us how to be more creative. According to his business card, his title is "ideationista." Ken: That was some of my best work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, discussion, internet & world wide web, humor consultant, have more fun, internet access to entertainment, funny comment

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Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassment, obliviousness, hired consultant, less confident, overconfident people, don't recognize mistakes, didn't know studies, feel like idiot

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.