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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #explaining, #angry, #confronting, #annoyed, #business

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The boss says, "Last week I attended the circle of excellence conference for managers." Alice says, "So, while we were doing actual work, you sat in a circle with a bunch of managers?" The boss says, "It wasn't like that." Alice says, "Oh, I think it was."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #interview, #trick, #scheme, #selling, #laptops, #disappointed, #stupidity

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Job interview Dogbert says, "Do you have any sales experience?" Man says, "No, but I?" Dogbert says, "Okay, whatever." Dogbert says, "There's no base pay. You only get paid opn commission." Dogbert says, "And you'll need a special laptop for this job." Dogbert says, "you can buy it from our company with a 5% employee discount." Dogbert says, "You're hired." Man says, "Yes! And my friends told me I would never find a sales job in this weak economy!" Man says, "By the way, what does the company sell?" Dogbert says, "We sell laptops to idiots."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #auditor, #taxes, #inspection, #confused, #corruption

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Dogbert the CEO Man says, "I'm here to do a tax audit of your company." Dogbert says, "How's that work?" Man says, "I look for reasons to transfer money from small, disreputable entities to a larger one." Man says, "I call my salary vigorish, but it's not as ironic as it once was."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #evil, #mean, #cruel, #meeting, #money, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "You shouldn't come to work just for money." Catbert says, "You should come to work to avoid not having any money." Wally says, "I'm only in it for these meetings." Catbert says, "Settle down, baldy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #Environment, #cups, #paper, #hot, #ridiculous, #animal, #shocked, #crazy

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The boss says, "Our company had replaced styrofoam cups with paper cups to save the planet." The boss says, "They work just as well if you use a dead squirrel as an oven mitten." The boss says, "This one still has some fight left in him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #angry, #yelling, #assignment, #ridiculous, #overworked

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The boss says, "I need you to do product testing for our new release." Dilbert says, "How could I possible have time for all the work you keep giving me?" The boss says, "Have you tried sacrificing your health?" Dilbert says, "Do I look like I can run marathons?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #work, #assignment, #completed, #checking, #ridicule, #stupidity

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Dilbert says, "The prototype is done. Come take a look at the user interface." The boss says, "It works great, but make sure this thing is totally idiot-proof." Dilbert says, "Again?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #reading, #guide, #Advice, #guilt, #annoyed

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Asok says, "According to the book of Wally, I should use something called 'Preemptive guilt' to avoid work." Wally says, "Exactly. If you wait until after you get an assignment, it is already too late for guilt." Wally says, "Stress killed both of my parents. The doctors said they worked too hard."q

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #guilt, #excuse, #lie, #work, #avoiding, #acting

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Wally says, "The successful work - avoider combines a fake eagerness to help with just a hint of likely failure." Man says, "Wally, I need load calcs in an hour." Wally says, "No problem! Unless my computer keeps crashing like it did all morning." Man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "I am begging you to let me help!" Asok thinks, "Wow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2009's comic on:


Tags #procrastination, #excuses, #asking, #frustrated, #ridiculous

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Wally says, "If I don't have enough time to do things right, should I just do nothing?" Wally says, "Or do you prefer that I miss deadlines, or do shoddy work, or pray for divine intervention?" The boss says, "I want everything fast and perfect." Wally says, "Can I buy a prayer rug?"