Don't Shoot Messenger Comic Strips - Page 100
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
1000 Results for Don't Shoot Messenger
View 991 - 1000 results for don't shoot messenger comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Shoot Messenger" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday July 11,
2003
Tags are years ago, this year, futire, free soft drinks, free coffee, bottled water
Transcript
Headline: A Few Years Ago. Catbert says, "The company will no longer provide free soft drinks." Headline: This Year. Catberrt says, "No more free coffee, and no more free bottled water." Headline: In the Future. Catbert is in a space suit. He says, "Don't swallow your saliva."
Thursday August 07,
2003
Tags new server, condescending simple version, full technical explination, early covislaizations, no concept of zero
Transcript
The Boss: Tell me why you need a new server. and don't give me the condescending simple version for managers. I want a full technical explanation. Dilbert: Early civilizations had no concept of zero. The Boss: Go on.
Thursday August 14,
2003
Tags billion dollar product line, designed and launched, meets expectations, high expectations, worng
Transcript
"Alice, this year you single-handedly designed and launched a billion dollar line of new products." "For that accomplishment, I give you the highly coveted 'meets expectations' designation!" "Alice, if having high expectations of you is wrong, then I don't want to be right."
Friday August 15,
2003
Tags approve plan, software commitee, soar like eagles, millions of dollars, sidetracked, eagles, software, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: "We can either wait three months for the software committee to approve our plan..." Dilbert: "Or we can soar like eagles, and act without approval, saving millions of dollars!" Dilbert: "Please don't be sidetracked by the analogy." The Boss: "Since when do eagles use software?"
Wednesday August 27,
2003
Tags phd degrees, no common sense, interview, job interview, not good to say
Transcript
The Boss: "Wow! You have three masters degrees and a PHD!" "Yes, it's all very impressive, but interestingly, I have no common sense whatsoever." "That's not the sort of thing you should say during a job interview." "I don't see why not."
Saturday September 06,
2003
Tags top priority, smoldering mound, rubble, career, didn't like, desk
Transcript
The Boss: "Dilbert, take care of this. It's our top priority." Dilbert: "Sure. I'll just let m other priorities slip until my career is a smoldering mound of rubble." dilbert: "So what is it?" The Boss: "I don't know.. I just didn't like it on my desk."
Friday September 26,
2003
Tags engineer, moved to marketing, lisa, old apple computer, old wife, engineering
Transcript
Man: I was an engineer before I moved to marketing. Now I don't remember how to turn on my lisa, Dilbert: You have an old lisa computer from apple? Man: Old wife.
Wednesday October 08,
2003
Tags profitability, year 3, key revenue, comet strike oil, crashes through wall, abstractions, presentation
Transcript
Dilbert: "As requested, I wrote the business plan to show profitability by year three." Dilbert: "The key revenue assumption is that an armored car crashes through that wall and spills its contents." "And don't stand where the comet is assumed to strike oil."
Thursday October 09,
2003
Tags management retreat, hawaii, how many employees, down size, pay of trip, against helicopter ride
Transcript
The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."
Friday October 31,
2003
Tags rick, mustaully exclusive, transofrm, package ultra light, absorb impact, brick wall
Transcript
Dilbert: "Hey, Rick. Allow me to explain why your specifications are mutually exclusive." Rick: "Must transform." Dilbert: "If we make the package ultra light, there won't be enough material to absorb impact when..." "I don't think I'm getting through."