Everything You Say Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Everything You Say

View 991 - 1000 results for everything you say comic strips. Discover the best "Everything You Say" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert The Insultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Insultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #business, #insultant, #journal, #week, #fat, #stupid, #question, #list

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the business insultant. Dogbert: Make a journal of everything you do for a week. Then stop doing everything that is on your list because it's making you fat and stupid. The Boss: I have some questions. Dogbert: Add "asks questions" to your list.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #customer, #meeting, #engineers, #years, #disasters, #worry, #data, #centers, #blockchain

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I go with you to the customer meeting? I'm worried you might promise something we can't deliver. The Boss: Don't be ridiculous! I've been having customer meetings without engineers for years. Dilbert: I know and they all turn into disasters. The Boss: You worry too much! Everything will be fine! Man: Can you replace our data centers with blockchain? The Boss: Give us two days.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #engineering, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #schedule

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.

Complaining About Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaining About Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #computer software, #engineering, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did Alice talk to you about the cost estimates? Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I can't hear you. Ted: Mumble mumble!!! Dilbert: Now you're just mumbling louder. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: Maybe you could turn toward me when you mumble and I can try to read your lips. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I'm getting something about grapes, windshields, asthma, and blockchain. Ted: I didn't say any of those things. Dilbert: Okay. I understood that sentence. Now answer my question the same way. Ted: Mumble mumble.

Wally's Doctor Note

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Doctor Note - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #doctors, #employees, #excuses, #work, #writing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Here's the note from my doctor that you asked for. Boss: I can't read the handwriting. Wally: That's how you know it's a real doctor's note. Boss: What's it say. Wally: It says I need lots of sleep at work.

Jargon

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #confusion, #employees, #irritation, #language, #meetings, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.

Horse Blinders

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Horse Blinders - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I added horse blinders to my noise-cancellation headphones. You tried to ruin my productivity by moving to an open office plan, but I have thwarted your evil ambitions. Boss: Experts say the open plan is better for communication. Dilbert: Are you talking? I can't tell.

Carol Raises Money For School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Raises Money For School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #family & parenting, #guilt, #office, #office workers, #sales, #sarcasm, #school

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise funds for my kid's school. Dilbert: I'm childless, so I already subsidize your kid's education. Carol: I was hoping it would feel too awkward for you to say no. Dilbert: By my calculations, you owe me money.

Ask Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ask Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #insults, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you have the test data? Dilbert: No. Ask Ted. Man: Ted said you have it. Dilbert: I say Ted has it. Man: One of you must dislike me. Dilbert: That's not true. It could be both of us.