Few More Apllcants Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Few More Apllcants
View 991 - 1000 results for few more apllcants comic strips. Discover the best "Few More Apllcants" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 16,
2016
Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business
Transcript
Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.
Sunday December 04,
2016
Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!
Wednesday December 14,
2016
Asok Kills The Wrong Cartoonist
Tags #Garfield, #hit man, #cartoonist, #mistaken identity
Transcript
Asok: I killed our spokesperson, Jim Davis, yesterday, as you ordered. Boss: You killed the wrong cartoonist! Asok: Now I hate Mondays even more.
Tuesday December 27,
2016
Naming The Spaceship
Tags #naming, #space, #space flight, #rocket, #engineering, #failure, #death, #medical
Transcript
Ted: I'm looking for a name for the spaceship that I designed. Dilbert: How about "Death Tube?" Alice: "Space Debris?" Wally: "Final Resting Place?" Ted: I was hoping for something more positive. Voice: We're positive it will explode.
Wednesday January 11,
2017
Coaching Ted
Tags #quitting, #fired, #annoy, #irritate, #drive away, #repel
Transcript
Boss: Ted, you have not performed up to my expectations, so I thought I would spend more time coaching you. I'll be with you every minute of the day. Ted: I quit! Catbert: I told you that would work. Boss: I didn't want to believe it.
Saturday January 14,
2017
Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots
Tags #fair, #fairness, #wages, #equality, #worth, #money
Transcript
Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.
Monday January 16,
2017
Rather Eat Garbage
Tags #choosing, #choices, #boredom, #listening, #trash, #garbage, #suffering
Transcript
Wally: Would you rather eat garbage or listen to our boss talk about his weekend? Dilbert: I'd have to know more about the garbage to make that decision. Wally: Let's say it's mostly kitchen stuff. Dilbert: Am I eating it from the can or fighting birds for it?
Sunday January 01,
2017
Tags #happiness, #work, #torture, #human resources, #hr, #manipulation, #content, #psychology, #business
Transcript
Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.
Sunday January 08,
2017
Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.