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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #death & dying, #distress, #rearrange bits, #already dead

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Dilbert: All I did this week was rearrange bits on the Internet. I had no real impact on the physical world. I can't rule out the possibility that I'm already dead and I don't know it. Okay, still an open question.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #assignment, #deadline, #tasks, #finsihing

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Boss: You didn't finish your assignment by the deadline. Wally: It won't matter as long as one other employee is also late, because the project can't move forward until everyone does their tasks. Wait fir it... wait... Coworker: You know how I was supposed to finish that thing?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #allegiance, #work has no meaning, #sound disloyal

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Dilbert: My work has no meaning. I understand it's your job to fix that situation before I become disloyal. Boss: I think it's too late. You already sound disloyal. Dilbert: Really? That opens a lot of options. Boss: Let me know if there's anything else I can do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #interviews, #unemployed, #out of work, #rising a bike, #swivel, #fall, #chair

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Boss: I'm concerned because you've been out of work for such a long time. Interviewee: It's like riding a bicycle. Once you learn, you always know how. Boss: Are you okay? Interviewee: Did chairs always swivel?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #new procurement policy, #p.o.o.p., #thinking, #business

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Boss: It took us three days at the executive retreat to come up with a name for our new procurement policy. We named it the "Procurement Operations Oversight Policy." Dilbert: P.O.O.P.? Boss: Do you know how many managers it takes to come up with a good name? Dilbert: A few more than you had?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #business card, #no @ sign, #email, #missing number, #phone number

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Wally : Mere's my card. Let me know if I can be of further assistance. Coworker: Your phone number is missing a digit and your email address doesn't have an @ symbol. Wally: I didn't say it would be easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #teaching, #mentor thing, #feels great, #education

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Dilbert: The mentor thing isn't for everyone. Coworker: I don't know how this looks, but it feels great on the inside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #online ethics course, #kill coworker, #failed ethics test, #first employee to fail

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Catbert: You're the first employee in company history to fail the online ethics course. Wally: I protest the grading system! Ethics are subjective. There are no right answers! Catbert: You said you would kill a coworker if you knew you wouldn't get caught. Wally: It was hard to know what answer they were looking for.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #pessimism, #telephones, #collaboration tools, #trying to accomplish, #bad acoustics, #speaker phones, #randomly agreed, #better than expected, #crime not committed

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Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.

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Share August 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #lawyers, #software, #license, #legal dept, #services, #email, #open source, #definsition, #forge signature, #software license, #engineering

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Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.