New Employee Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 991 - 1000 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 07,
2000
Tags dont pay enough, hire brilliant people, web team, stock options
Transcript
An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"
Friday April 28,
2000
Tags demons possessed, view websites, unspeakable abominations, approve the purchase
Transcript
Wally says to the Boss, "Demons have possessed my PC. They force me to view websites of unspeakable abominations." Wally continues, "The only solution is for you to approve the purchase of a new PC for me." Dilbert approaches Wally, now sitting at his computer and asks, "How are the unspeakable abominations today?" Wally replies, "Much faster."
Wednesday May 03,
2000
Tags cep, obscenely wealthy, guest house, build house, speech writer, workers, made him rich, bragging, condescending, truth
Transcript
Ed stands at the podium and says, "As CEO, I thank you for making me obscenely wealthy." Alice, Wally and Dilbert continue to sit and listen. Ed goes on to say, "Yesterday, I built a guest house using bundles of cash as bricks." Ed looks down at his paper, thinking "I need a new speech writer."
Friday June 09,
2000
Tags two faced, employee, see one, turn around, other faces, confusing, frustrating, pointing
Transcript
Edfred: I disagree with Dilbert. The boss's plan is brilliant. Dilbert: Your other face agreed with me two minutes ago! What other face? No...I still just see the one.
Friday June 16,
2000
Tags server named pointy, over loaded, moving, haired and idiot, cluless, purchase order
Transcript
Dilbert says to the Boss pointing to the diagraphn he's drawn on the board, "Our server named 'Pointy' is overloaded." Dilbert continues, "So we're moving some of the load to 'haired' and 'idiot'. But we still need a new server. Dilbert says to Alice and Wally, "He signed the purchase order for 'clueless."
Thursday June 22,
2000
Tags radio, sing, don't like to talk, hum, pretend radio, no talking dates
Transcript
Ming says to Dilbert as he drives, "I don't like to talk on dates. Do you mind if I hum?" Dilbert replies, "That's okay. I'll pretend you're the radio." Ming begins to hum. Dilbert thinks to himself, "I need a new radio."
Saturday July 01,
2000
Tags company concierge, alibi, lye, a barrel, police, break you, legal
Transcript
An employee says to Ratbert the Concierge, "I need an alibi." The employee continues, "The police will try to beat the truth out of you, but don't let them break you!" The employee goes on, "I also need lye...and a barrel...better yet, make that two barrels."
Wednesday July 26,
2000
Tags three days, repair guy, under desk, uninvited, feeds licorice, animals, feed animals, i.s. people
Transcript
Wally asks Noriko, "How long has he been under your desk?" Noriko replies, "Three days." Wallys asks Noriko, "Did you feed him?" Noriko answers, "Just some licorice." Wally says to Noriko, "You should never feed the I.S. people." The I.S. employee responds, "More licorice!"
Thursday July 27,
2000
Tags upgraded three things, broke three things, terms, computer work
Transcript
The I.S. employee says to Noriko, "Well, I upgraded three things and I accidentally broke three things." The I.S. employee continues, "In I.S. terms, I came out ahead." Noriko responds, "Does my computer work?" The I.S. employee replies, "No, but if it did, it would be much faster."
Saturday August 26,
2000
Tags converging, corate slogan, future, power of internet, psoriasis, goose bumps
Transcript
The Boss says to the staff, "Our new corporte slogan is..." The Boss continues, "The power of the internet lies in converging the future with the here and now." The Boss then asks, "Goose bumps?" Wally responds while scratching, "Psoriasis."


