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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dot com ceo, #no profit, #laid off, #laid off means, #compliment, #baby bottle, #youngsters, #meeting, #firing people, #business

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DILBERT: DOT-COM CEO: Dilbert sits at the head of a table and children sit in seats around the table. One of the children has a baby bottle at his place. Dilbert says, "We have no profit now and we never will. You're all laid off." The child with the baby bottle asks, "Does anyone know what laid off means?" A young man says, "It must be a compliment." The young man says to Dilbert, "You're pretty laid off yourself, dude." The child offers his baby bottle to Dilbert and says, "Want a hit of this?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dental plan, #golden handcuffs, #prickly panties, #retain best employess, #bowl of candy

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Catbert says to Wally, "We try to retain our best employees by giving them 'golden handcuffs.'" Catbert continues saying to Wally, "The rest of you will experience our other program, the one I call 'Prickly Panties.'" Wally, holding a large bowl, says to Dilbert, "Then he gave me a huge bowl of candy." Dilbert, pointing to his computer monitor, says, "Hey, they cut our dental plan again!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert power company, #electricity, #hard to find, #california environmentalists

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Dilbert is watching television and hears, "Buy your electricity from the Dogbert Power Company." Dogbert, in front of a TV camera, says, "We generate all of our power with the help of California environmentalists." Two workmen are carrying a man wrapped tightly in a blanket. They're preparing to put the man in the fire in a large furnace. One workman says to the other, "These are getting harder to find lately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #highest priority, #totally worthless, #empowered, #make decison, #double edged sword

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Looking at a piece of paper, Dilbert asks The Boss, "Which assignment is the highest priority?" Dilbert asks The Boss, "Is it the totally worthless one or the other totally worthless one?" Dilbert says, "I hope I'm empowered to make that decision." The Boss says, "Hope is a double-edged sword."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't crush spirit, #work in box, #cubicle, #demoralize, #2 jobs, #coordinator died, #died of boredom, #quality assurance guys

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Dilbert sits at his computer and thinks, "They can make me work in a little box, but they can't crush my spirit." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our ISO 9000 Coordinator died of boredom. You'll have to do his job plus yours." Dilbert's head sinks to his chest as The Boss says, "And one of the Quality Assurance guys is looking pale..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #day over, #cubicle, #six o'clock horror, #screaming, #nightmare, #can't leave, #more work, #over time, #stay late, #boss, #papers

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Dilbert is whistling while getting ready to go home. Cation reads: "A happy Dilbert prepares to go home after a long day in the cubicle." Dilbert's boss enters the cubicle. Caption reads: "Too late. The six o'clock horror is upon him!" Dilbert, taken by surprise, screams, "GAAA!" Caption reads: "In your workspace no one can hear you scream." Asok and Wally are leaving. Asok turns to Wally and asks, "What was that?" Wally answers, "Just keep walking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software expenses, #marketing software expenses, #monkeys, #wear watches, #boss asks, #budget, #costs, #expenses

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The Boss sees Alice at her desk and asks, "Why are our software expenses higher than marketing's software expenses?" Alice replies, "For the same reason monkey's don't wear watches." Caption reads: "One hour later." The Boss returns and asks, "Does it involve fur in any way?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #incredulous ed, #budget numbers, #request, #coworker, #budget manager, #hard time, #over reacts, #ed, #new hire

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Caption reads: "Incredulous Ed." Alice approaches Ed and asks, "Ed, do you have the latest budget numbers?" Ed looks up at Alice, squinting his eyes and gesturing, "Budget??? What is a 'budget' and why on earth would I have one?" Alice replies, "Because you're the budget manager." Ed hands her a piece of paper and says, "Here you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mobile tech platform, #own wheelbarrow, #lost lung

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The Boss walks out of his office with his giant gadget and says, "Carol, order an extra battery for my mobile technology platform." Carol replies, "Do you want the one that straps to your back or the one with its own wheelbarrow?" The Boss is seen sweating, carrying a huge, heavy black thing on this back, and thinking, "I think I just lost a lung."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract states, #nick names, #mottos, #political preferences, #new contract, #fact, #skippy, #communist now

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table, each reviewing a piece of paper. Dogbert says, "Our contract clearly states that I can give you nicknames, mottos and political preferences." Dilbert sits with his arms folded over his chest and says, "I demand a new contract based on the fact that I didn't read this one before I signed it." Dogbert replies, "Too bad, Skippy. You're a communist now."