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View 991 - 1000 results for only person comic strips. Discover the best "Only Person" comics from Dilbert.com.

Whistleblower Laws

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Whistleblower Laws - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags law, legal issues, lawyer, on the lam, whistleblower, technicality, loophole, legal

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Wally: I thought you were on the run from killing government agents. Dilbert: I only killed the bad ones. My lawyer says that's legal now under the whistleblower laws. [Earlier That Day] Dogbert: It was a tad aggressive, but I think you're fine.

Double Standard

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Double Standard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags language, Women, Men, curse, cursing, swearing, swear, yelling, fair, fairness, equality, double-standard

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Alice: There's a double-standard. Men can shout and curse and no one blinks. But if I say one stern word to someone, they call me "emotional." Dilbert: I've seen you make men cry during meetings. Alice: Only the wusses.

Wally's Passion

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Wally's Passion  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags passion, drive, ambition, laziness, catch-22

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Wally: I'm only passionate about doing things that are socially unacceptable. Should I follow my passion or should I continue being useless? It is totally up to you. Catbert: Try to find a middle ground. Wally: A mild interest in things that don't matter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, unemployment, replacement, obsolete, app, job, jobs, dating, logic, business, relationships

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Woman: ...and that's what I do for a living. What do you do? Dilbert: I'm building an app that will make your entire industry obsolete. I'm almost done. It looks pretty good. Woman: You're destroying my life! Dilbert: No, I'm only making the app. The app will be destroying your life. Woman: This got awkward, but I'm attracted to smart men, so... would you like to go out this weekend? Dilbert: I don't think that's a good idea. I can't get past your dead-end career.

Dilbert Writes A Sci Fi Novel

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Dilbert Writes A Sci Fi Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dreams, aspirations, science fiction, writer, writing, novelist, naked, nudity

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Dilbert: I've always wanted to write a sci-fi novel. Even though I have no relevant training or experience. Should I follow my dreams? Dogbert: Yes, but keep in mind that the naked dreams are only suggestions.

Dilbert's External Brain Stimulator

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Dilbert's External Brain Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags first impressions, personality, fake, honesty, negativity, negative, criticism, dating, attraction, relationships, psychology

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Dilbert: I invented an external brain stimulator to regulate my moods. Woman: That means your personality is artificial. How can I be attracted to a fake person? Dilbert: Are you saying your baseline personality is an unpleasant drunk? Woman: What?

Software Killed Ted

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Software Killed Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags invention, software, free will, behavior, murder, anger, glitch, malfunction, control, self control, psychology, engineering

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Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.

Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan

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Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, robots, invention, health, big business, corporation, nanobot

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CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.

Uncheck The Do No Harm Box

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Uncheck The Do No Harm Box - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags murder, killing, robot, control, master, slave, moral, amoral

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Boss: Yesterday a robot murdered the CEO of our main competitor. Heh-heh. Dilbert: That could only happen if some idiot unchecked the robot's "Do No Harm" box and doomed humankind to annihilation. Boss: Say what? Robot: Hello, victims.

Topper Never Sleeps

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Topper Never Sleeps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sleep, tired, brag, bragging, braggart, absurd, competition, top, embellish, embellishment, exaggeration, health

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Topper. Dilbert: I only slept four hours last night. Topper: That's nothing. I was born awake and decided to stay that way. Dilbert: Lack of sleep is making me a little loopy. Topper: I have a human head collection.