Appeal To Sick People Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Appeal To Sick People

View 991 - 1000 results for appeal to sick people comic strips. Discover the best "Appeal To Sick People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #television news, #act like idiots, #mirror, #details in mirror

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: In today's news, people all over the world continued to act like idiots. Most of the time it didn't turn out well. For details, look in your mirror.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #anger, #dieting & weight control, #muffins

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I brought you some muffins so I won't need to watch my weight. If I fatten up the people around me, I'll look good even if I gain a few pounds. Dilbert: Won't that make you look mean? Alice: In phase two, I'll also make you angrier than me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2014's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cruelty, #executives, #joking, #self deprecating joke, #tasks, #underling

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Hello, underling. Watch me do a self-deprecating joke to underscore my true power. Ho ho! I am not good at some types of unimportant tasks! Ha ha! That's why I'm glad I have people like you to do those things. Dilbert: Impressive.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #management jargon, #engage employees, #follow from front, #anything, #tell people, #fake caring situation, #fake passion, #uncle died, #combine both

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the newest management jargon I need to pretend you understand? Catbert: Experts say you should engage employees and follow from the front. Boss: Does that mean anything? Catbert: No one know. Just to be safe, you should tell people you're doing it. Boss: Should I act as if I'm passionate, or is this more of a fake caring situation? Catbert: Beats me. Try combining the two. Boss: Fake passion plus fake caring. Asok: My uncle died. Boss: Woot!!! What was his name?!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #wages, #big data, #top perfromers, #higher pay, #average performance, #average people say, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Our big data analysis tells us that only the top performers leave for higher pay. Since you're still here, it means your performance is average at best. Dilbert: That's not fair! Catbert: That's what all the average people say.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #managers & supervisors, #questioning, #jeff bezos rule, #rule of meetings, #two pizzas, #feed a meeting, #eat two pizzas, #zeros paradox, #feed everyone, #cheese bread, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're going to use the Jeff Bezos rule of meetings. Bezos says you should never have a meeting that is so big you can't feed everyone with two pizzas. Wally: I can eat two pizzas by myself. Alice: How do you count the people who have gluten sensitivity and don't eat pizza? Dilbert: If I apply Zeno's Paradox to the slice size, can I have infinite attendees? Wally: And what does it mean to "feed" everyone? Do they need to be totally full? Boss: Stop being engineers! Wally: How does cheese bread fit into this?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2014's comic on:


Tags #anger, #competition (psychology), #employees, #difficult coworkers, #methods against me, #need to know, #counter neasures, #learn tricks, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #sleeping & waking up, #get up at 4am, #successful people do, #power nap, #sound sbetter, #than looks, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I got up at 4 a.m. because I heard it's what successful people do. Power nap! Wally: This sort of thing always sounds better than it looks.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business people, #managers & supervisors, #holacarcy, #underlings, #abusing for years, #boot on neck, #resistance to changes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I'm eliminating all management levels and making us a holacracy. Boss: Noooo!!! Please don't make me equal to the underlings I've been abusing for years! In my defense, I thought I would always have my boot on your neck. Dilbert: Shush.