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Wally: "I'm about halfway finished with the online studay class on sexual harassment." The Boss: "Wally, we don't have an online study course on sexual harassment." Wally: "THat would explain why all the actors seemed so happy."
The Boss: "According to your resume, you left your last job because you allegedly stole lots of great stuff." "Technically, if they catch you in the parking lot, and you give it back, that's not stealin'." "And you buried a German tourist in your cellar." "One time!"
The Boss: You're an hour late for a job interview. woman: You're working me to death! Im only one person! I need a vacation! The Boss: you're supposed to say that stuff after I are you. woman: OOO suddenly I can't do anything right?
Dilbert: "I grew a beard while waiting for my boss to get off the phone." "Then I realized I don't need to exercise because no one expects bearded guys to have any discipline." "I'll have everything on the even-numbered pages, a cigar and ...Do you sell suspenders?"
"The feral employee" "I'm taking a chance by hiring you. Dont make me regret it." "Today, one of my seasoned professionals will teach you to use indoor plumbing." "Look! Look at me! The newspaper tucks under the arm!"
"The feral employee" "Hi, little fella. What's your name?" "Will" "You look totally untamed. I like a challenge." "Give me one month and I'll have you wearing bicycle pants while you mow my lawn." "Hissss"
The boss: Our Vp of marketing here to describe our new bet the company strategy. we'll saturate the airwaves with an ad campaign featuring a talking squirrel. He'll have a face norwegian accent like, "Geeve me zee nuts" ha ha! Any questions? Yes, you with the strange ghead, Dilbert: How will a talking squirrel make people but our products? I just realized Ima complete fraud, I'll pack up my desk and leave immediately. The Boss: can we get through one meeting without you ruining everything?
Dilbert: I lost my ID besiege. Security: Report to the security office and get a new one. Hold it where do you think you're going? Dilbert: To the security office? Security: No one is allowed past this desk with out an ID badge. Dilbert: Okay....how do I go to the security office if I can't go to the security office? Security: Good question. I guess you'll have to steal past me. Dilbert: Look over there! Its an angel and she's giving away free bacon! Security: well well It seems Ive found a worthy adversary.