Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Dogbert
View 991 - 1000 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday April 30,
1993
Tags Dogbert, news, jobs, billion, owls, asteroid, coincidence, researchers, television, device, idiots
Transcript
The caption says, "Dogbert's good news show." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "Nine out of ten people have jobs . . . Three billion people had a nice day today . . . And the forest has plenty of owls." The caption says, "Regular news show." A news anchor says, "A huge asteroid could destroy earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries." The other reporter yells, "We'll all die!!" The caption says, "Back to Dogbert . . ." Dogbert holds a remote control and says, "In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off of your television screen."
Friday May 14,
1993
Tags ratbert, Dogbert, potato, rat, yam, pillow, explain
Transcript
Dogbert sits on his pillow. Ratbert asks, "How can I be sure I'm a rat?" Ratbert continues, "What if I'm really something else - like a potato - and I just think I'm a rat?" Ratbert says, "I think, therefore I'm a yam." Dogbert replies, "It would explain a lot."
Saturday May 15,
1993
Tags Dogbert, athlete, multimillion, contract, banned, Sports, drugs, motivational, speaker, motivated, illiterate
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a park bench with a large man. The man says, "I never learned to read, but it didn't matter because I was a great athlete." The man continues, "Then came the multi-million dollar contract, which I spent on drugs. Eventually I was banned from sports. I quit drugs because I couldn't afford it." The man says, "Now I'm a motivational speaker." Dogbert asks, "Have you motivated anybody to become illiterate yet?"
Sunday May 16,
1993
Tags Dilbert, dollars, chairty, moral, duty, fortunate, starving, plenty, money, hobbies, code, eat, morality, charity
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "I gave five hundred dollars to charity this year." Dilbert continues, "I believe it's my moral duty to help those less fortunate." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert asks, "Five hundred dollars? What kind of morality is that?" Dogbert continues, "People are starving and you still have plenty of money left for your hobbies." Dogbert continues, "According to YOUR moral code it's more important for you to have a new computer than for poor people to eat." Dogbert continues, "Morality? Ha! You spent five hundred bucks to ease your own guilt!" Dilbert replies, "And it worked. I feel pretty good." Dilbert asks, "How much did YOU give to charity?" Dogbert replies, "A thousand. That's why I'm so torqued."
Saturday May 29,
1993
Tags Dogbert, school, system, failure, park bench, preparing, scientist, engineers, economy, instead, janitors, maids
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a park bench with a woman and a little boy. The woman says, "Our school system is a complete failure, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Why's that?" The woman replies, "The schools should be preparing these kids to be scientists and engineers. That's the only way our economy will prosper." The woman continues, "Instead, we'll be a nation of maids and janitors." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but think how clean it will be."
Sunday May 30,
1993
Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, chemistry, control, course, actions, brain, natural, physics
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Do you think the chemistry of the brain controls what people do?" Dilbert replies, "Of course." Dogbert asks, "Then how can we blame people for their actions?" Dilbert replies, "Because people have free will to do as they choose." Dogbert asks, "Are you saying that 'free will' is not part of the brain?" Dilbert replies, "Of course it is, but it's the part of the brain that's out there just being kind of free." Dogbert says, "So, you're saying the 'free will' part of the brain is exempt from the natural laws of physics." Dilbert answers, "Obviously, otherwise we couldn't blame people for anything they do." Dogbert asks, "Do you think the 'free will' part of the brain is attached or does it just float nearby?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up."
Monday May 31,
1993
Tags Dogbert, park bench, noriko, classes, lives, television, channels
Transcript
Dogbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko says, "I can't wait to grow up and get out of school." Dogbert says, "Actually, Noriko, your generation will have to take classes and work full-time your whole lives . . . Assuming any jobs exist." Dogbert continues, "But on the plus side, television will have a thousand channels." Noriko yells, "That's it; somebody's got some explaining to do!"
Tuesday June 01,
1993
Wednesday June 02,
1993
Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, noriko, plaent, account, ability, contract
Transcript
Dogbert, Dilbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko yells at Dilbert, "You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!" Noriko continues, "You know our implied social contract! You take care of the kids, then we take care of you when you're old. That's how it's supposed to work." Dilbert says, "Well, I . . ." Noriko yells, "The deal is OFF!!"
Thursday June 03,
1993
Tags Dilbert, noriko, generation, Kids, power, names, ship, oxygen, mars, plan
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the grass. Noriko stands between them saying, "You adults are ruining the planet for my generation." Noriko continues, "We kids have no power now, but I'm taking names. When we take power we'll ship you all to a penal colony on Mars." Dilbert replies, "There's no oxygen on Mars." Noriko says, "Oh, NOW you learn to plan ahead."


