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View 991 - 1000 results for has fake owner comic strips. Discover the best "Has Fake Owner" comics from Dilbert.com.

Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality

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Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, competition, bad advice, deception, wedgie

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Man: Alice has been mentoring me for a month, and I can't tell how much of her advice is real and how much is a hoax. For example, she advised me to give our boss a wedgie because she said he likes assertive people. Is that real? Dilbert: I'm gonna say yes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interview, hiring, honesty, immoral, ulterior motives

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Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

Porch Thief Is Neutralized

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Porch Thief Is Neutralized  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags violence, retaliation, delivery, package, stealing, theft, ring, technology

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Alice: Uh-oh. My home security system is showing a thief stealing a package from my front door. Activating particle beam defense. The threat has been neutralized. Dilbert: When you say "neutralized," does that mean... Alice: Activating crime scene cleanup drone.

Temperature Court

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Temperature Court - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thermostat, temperature, hot, cold, office, office workers, disagreement

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Dogbert: Welcome to temperature court. One of you has frozen appendages and one of you is burning up. But only one temperature can rule the office. I rule that the thermostat must be set at exactly 72 degrees. Dilbert: Noooo!!! Alice: Shoot me!

Unplugged Server

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Unplugged Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags server, obliviousness, cell phone, phone, charging, technology

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Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?

Anyone Fired Lately

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Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, fired, scapegoat, laziness, excuse

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Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.

Terrible Personality

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Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hiring, company culture, personality, engineers, psychology

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Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

Brains In A River

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Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cryogenics, ethics, laziness, yelp, online review, comments, feedback, customers

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Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Tracking Employee Theft

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Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, data, information, spying, privacy

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Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

Wally's Stealth Drone

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Wally's Stealth Drone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, deceit, drone, technology, invention, fake

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Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!