Help People Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Help People

View 991 - 1000 results for help people comic strips. Discover the best "Help People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2009's comic on:


Tags #carrying, #downsizing, #cruel, #dying, #walking, #Sports

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We can save the most money by downsizing the unhealthiest workers first." The boss says, "How do we know who they are?" Catbert says, "We'll close the parking lot that's nearest the building." Asok says, "Should we help them?" Wally says, "It's too late for broccoli."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #plan, #lying, #marketing, #screaming, #guilt, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "In phase one, we'll tell our customer that the system failure won't happen again." Not us! The boss says, "In phase two, when it happens again, we'll act surprised." The boss says, "Then we'll say a software patch is being installed." Asok the intern says, "Gaaa!!! We're bad people!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2009's comic on:


Tags #walking, #complaining, #cruel, #mean, #mother, #son, #Family, #Sports

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilmom Dilmom says, "How's work, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "I'm doing the job of three people and my pay has been cut 20%" Dilbert says, "My investments are worthless and my odds of finding a suitable mate are nearing zero." Dilbert says, "My life has no meaning, no joy and no hope." Dilbert says, "Do you have any motherly advice?" Dilmom says, "Shake it off, you big wuss." Dilmom says, "And you can pass that wisdom to the grandchildren you won't be having." Dilbert says, "You're not good at this." Dilmom says, "Eat broccoli. Whatever."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #office, #Environment, #confronting, #perception, #hot, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "We replaced our styrofoam cups with paper cups, but it's not so clear that it helps the planet." The boss says, "We didn?t do it to help the planet. We did it to look like the sort of company that cares about that sort of thing." DIlbert says, "Oh. In that case it's working great." The boss says, "As soon as you stop whining."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #award, #incentive, #contradiction, #unimportant, #ridiculous, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I want you three to put together a teamwork award program." Wally says, "If we do a good job, can we give ourselves the award?" The boss says, "No." Alice says, "Great. Now I have no incentive to do a good job on this award thing." The boss says, "Keeping your job should be all the incentive you need." Dilbert says, "Then why does anyone need a teamwork award?" Wally says, "Let's just slap something together and randomly nominate people." Asok says, "I got a teamwork award and yet I feel no different." Dilbert says, "Yup."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #guilt, #excuse, #lie, #work, #avoiding, #acting

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "The successful work - avoider combines a fake eagerness to help with just a hint of likely failure." Man says, "Wally, I need load calcs in an hour." Wally says, "No problem! Unless my computer keeps crashing like it did all morning." Man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "I am begging you to let me help!" Asok thinks, "Wow!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #complaining, #bureaucracy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "It takes an average of five people to approve any action in this company, and at any given time, three are on vacation." Wally says, "Should I violate our company culture of consensus building, or just sit around and do nothing for lack of buy-in?" The boss says, "Did you mention flailing around in futility?" Wally says, "I was hoping you forgot that option."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #ridiculous, #waste, #time, #pointing, #useless, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Someone borrowed the unit you asked to see, so I'll show you pictures of models you aren't interested in." Man says, "There's one you don't want?And you sure don't want that one?" Dilbert says, "And how does this help?" Man says, "Would you like a CD of products we no longer carry?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #remembering, #confused, #asking, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I just forgot what it's like to be one of the little people." The boss says, "It's liberating because I have no empathy for your suffering." Dilbert says, "And how is this different?" The boss says, "Now I have a reason."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #review, #criticism, #ridicule, #nervous, #frustration, #useless

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "It's funny that you're evaluating me." Alice says, "Because I understand how to do your job, but you have no idea how to do my job." Alice says, "For example, right now you're going to say something that doesn't help the stockholders."