Just Listen Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Just Listen

View 991 - 1000 results for just listen comic strips. Discover the best "Just Listen" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worked around clock, #ten programmers, #establish new baseline, #tragic death march, #stretch golas, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no right to opinion, #conversation, #convey useful info, #bonding

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "And then she acted as if I have no right to my opinion!" Dilbert says, "Is the point of this conversation to convey useful information, or just to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Tina says, "Maybe we're bonding." Dilbert says, "Maybe not."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer technical question, #bad actor, #best person, #fake own death, #helping customer, #insult dead, #just a quick question, #polite, #safest course, #work that divison, #commercial sales

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cow supervisor, #bias, #strong leadership, #baldy

View Transcript

Transcript

The cow supervisor A cow says, "I overcame a lot of bias against cows to get this job." The cow says, "People think that a cow with strong leadership skills is just a jerk." The cow says, "Is that what you think, baldy? Huh? Do you? Do you?" Wally says, "Um... I'll say no."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #albanian makeover, #bald and chinless, #hat makes taller, #career helper, #minute to drink in, #vp of finance

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I got an Elbonian makeover. Now no one can tell I'm bald and chinless." Wally says, "The hat even makes me look taller. I think this will help my career." Wally says, "Take a minute to drink this in." An Elbonian says, "I just found my new VP of finance!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #killer robots, #spam filter, #ordered

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Do you really think it's a good idea to build killer robots just because our spam filter ordered you?" FZEEET! Dilbert says, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #message, #sleeping, #full attention, #instant message, #asleep, #employing heuristics, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I don't think I have your full attention. Alice: It's Asok's turn to listen. If you say anything useful, he'll send us an instance message. The boss: He's asleep. Alice: He's employing heuristics.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #budget, #clothes, #drastic budget cuts, #dramatic, #how much cut, #buzzards seem selective

View Transcript

Transcript

Finance troll: We need to make drastic budget cuts. The boss: Let's not get all dramatic. Just tell me how much to cut and I'll make it happen. Dilbert: On the plus side,, the buzzards seem selective.