Leave The Company Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Leave The Company

View 991 - 1000 results for leave the company comic strips. Discover the best "Leave The Company" comics from Dilbert.com.

Culture As An Asset

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #culture, #motivation, #strategy, #buzzword, #jargon, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Something About Honesty

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Something About Honesty - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #culture, #business, #concept, #abstraction

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want to make sure my project plan is consistent with our company culture. But I don't know what our culture is. Maybe you could describe it? Boss: Um... maybe something about honesty? Dilbert: No, I would have noticed that by now.

Priorities

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #priorities, #culture, #company, #money, #greed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: There seems to be some confusion about what our company culture is. Boss: Our priorities are honesty, integrity, and return on investment. Alice: Which priority is the highest? Boss: Integrity won't buy me a new boat.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #climate change, #carbon dioxide, #emissions, #global warming, #environmental issues

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #idiot, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you know, every project in this company has one idiot on the team. Man: That can't be true. Boss: It is true. I assign one idiot per team to keep them from bunching together. Man: My project team doesn't have any idiots. Dilbert: There's a good explanation for why you think that. Man: I Don't see what that would be. If I had an idiot on my team I would know it. Unless...

Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #forgetful, #forgetting, #money, #budget, #oversight

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't see my project in the new budget. Boss: Oh, right. I forgot all about you. Dilbert: That sounds easy to fix. Boss: Yup. MY problem will be solved as soon as you leave.

Immersive Vr Employee Quits

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Immersive Vr Employee Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #civil rights, #discrimination, #artificial intelligence, #rights

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Gain Weight Using Product

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gain Weight Using Product - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #warning, #caution, #labeleing, #weight, #safety, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Did I leave out any risks on the product warning page? Boss: I don't see anything about the risk of overeating while owning the product. Tina: Our product has nothing to do with eating. Boss: Then why did I gain weight when I used it?