New App Comic Strips - Page 100

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View 991 - 1000 results for new app comic strips. Discover the best "New App" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deadlines, #deadline, #management, #time management, #projects, #distraction, #multitasking

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Boss: When do you think you can get that done for me? Dilbert: Depends. If I had no interruptions, I could finish in four hours. But we have to factor in the inefficiency of your management. For example, you're likely to give me six new projects before I get started on this one. And you force me to work in ta noisy office surrounded by all the people I need to avoid to get work done. Given all of that, I'd say it will take seven months. Boss: I'll give you three months because I'm a leader. Dilbert: Oookay. And... how much of the three months will involve you standing there?

How Alice Can Disagree

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How Alice Can Disagree - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #Opinion, #argument, #disagreement, #open-minded, #dissenting opinion, #sincerity

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Alice: Is there any way to disagree with your new strategy without making you angry? Boss: Blah blah I value all opinions. Blah blah open door policy. Blah blah dissenting opinions are good. Alice: None of that sounded sincere. Boss: Nailed it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #flirting, #romance, #privacy, #stalking, #creepy, #creeper, #gestures, #gifts, #coworkers

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The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

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Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

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CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Brainstorming App Ideas

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Brainstorming App Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #brainstorm, #idea, #thinking, #criticism, #judge, #judging, #technology, #invention, #judgment, #legal

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Dilbert: Today we will brainstorm app ideas for our smart watch. The only rule is "no judging." Wally: How about an app that makes you left-handed. Are you judging me now or were you being insincere before.

Wally's Slap App

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Wally's Slap App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #app, #slap, #anger, #violence, #smart watch, #invention

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Wally: I created an app for our smart watch that makes the user's hand slap people. Boss: Who would want... Wally: Your eyes say I should pivot.

Click Rate On Death Alerts

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Click Rate On Death Alerts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #advertising, #technology, #analytics, #smart watch, #app, #ad, #click, #clickbait, #attention, #distraction

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Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.

Alice Attracts Wrong Guys

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Alice Attracts Wrong Guys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #stalk, #stalker, #stalking, #dating, #drone, #spying, #spy, #relationships

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Alice: I have a history of dating men who become stalkers. But I have a good feeling about this new guy. He shows no stalker tendencies at all. Dilbert: What's he do for a living? Alice: Aerial photography using drones.

Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack

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Dilbert's App Stops Cyber Attack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #cyber attack, #government secret, #advancement, #app

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Boss: I'm loaning you to the government to help stop the worst cyber attack our country has seen. Dilbert: I wrote an app for that. Okay... done. Are we good? G-Man: It's a gray area. I might need to kill you and steal the app.

Government Wants To Kill Dilbert

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Government Wants To Kill Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #cyber attack, #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #spying, #surveillance, #privacy, #hiding, #hiding out

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G-Man: The app you wrote in your spare time stopped the worst cyber attack our nation has seen. The president has authorized me to kill you and steal the app so no other country can get it. Dilbert: The government will never find me! G-Man: We chipped you during your colonoscopy.