Report To Alice Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Report To Alice
View 991 - 1000 results for report to alice comic strips. Discover the best "Report To Alice" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 06,
2003
Tags #new guy, #new hire, #bottleneck, #bill, #titanium
Transcript
Bottleneck Bill Bottlkeneck Bill: All purchase orders must be approved by me. I'll be too busy to approve anything but at least we have the system. Its titanium. Nice try. Alice: GRRRRR
Wednesday November 12,
2003
Tags #director of profit making, #behind greatness, #acting like king, #wants award, #making spectavle
Transcript
The Boss: Later w'll be joined by the director of the only division thats making a profit. Behold my greatness! Bathe ye all in the pleasure of my general proximity!! I can only stay if you give me an award.
Sunday November 16,
2003
Tags #Wally, #downsized candidate, #alice glad, #boss thanks wally, #ride to church, #on good side
Transcript
alice: "Wally, I'm glad we work in the same department." "Because your performance is so bad that you'll be downsized first." "You're like a buffer. As long as you're still here, my job is safe." "And there's nothing you can do to change the situation." The Boss: "Wally, do you mind giving my family a ride to church again this week?" Wally: "No problem." The Boss: "It's nice that you joined my church even though you live an hour away." "And I wouldn't say no to those tasty bagels you always bring for the ride." Alice: "GAAA!!!" The Boss: "Oh... I didn't see you sneak up on me, Heathen.. I mean Alice."
Monday November 17,
2003
Tags #floating, #happy, #relaxed, #vacation, #floating to furious, #broken promise
Transcript
Alice: "My vacation was so relaxing that I'm still floating." Man: "Hey, Alice, you know how I promised to cover all of your meetings for two weeks? I forgot until right now." Alice: "From floating to furious in 27 seconds. It's a personal best."
Tuesday November 18,
2003
Tags #destroy refrigeration, #crushed ice, #annoying noise, #cubilces, #crunch
Transcript
wally: This might be the greatest innovation in annoying cubicle noises. "Chewing crushed ice." "Crunch crunch crunch." Alice: "Must.. destroy all refrigeration facilities... on earth."
Friday November 21,
2003
Tags #status reprrts, #costs of projects, #business plan, #budget, #throw on pile
Transcript
Asok: "Lately I am overcome with doubt that you read my status reports." The Boss: "Asok, the biggest value of a status report is that it makes you consider all the costs of your project." Assok: "Actually, that is the biggest value of a business plan or a budget." The Boss: "Whatever. Throw it on the pile."
Saturday November 22,
2003
Tags #more with less, #motivation, #communication, #more specific
Transcript
The Boss: Our goal is to do more with less. Wally: Less motivation? The Boss: I can't be more specific. wally: Less communication?
Monday November 24,
2003
Tags #evil director, #cut costs, #bottom of ocena, #crushed by pressure, #breathing issue, #whiner, #labeled a whiner
Transcript
"Catbert, evil H.R. director." "In order to cut costs, some of you will be relocated to the bottom of the ocean." "Wouldn't we be crushed by the pressure?" "Every job has some pressure." "And then there's the breathing issue." "I label you a whiner."
Sunday November 30,
2003
Tags #manager of executive compensation, #plan to steal, #meeting, #back slapping, #pormises, #raises, #ponys, #vacations, #huge raise, #business
Transcript
Boss: "I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." Boss: "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." Bradley: "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." Boss: "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" Dilbert: "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" Boss: "See what I have to deal with every day?" Bradley: "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"
Tuesday December 02,
2003
Tags #merging with evil compnay, #downsize, #how valuable
Transcript
"What?!! According to the paper, we're merging with an evil company that plans to downsize us." "Did they run my quote about how valuable you are?"