Serve Time Comic Strips - Page 100

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1000 Results for Serve Time

View 991 - 1000 results for serve time comic strips. Discover the best "Serve Time" comics from Dilbert.com.

Meetings Are Dense

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Meetings Are Dense - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #time, #perception, #joke, #insult, #stupid, #obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to Einstein, time flows more slowly in meetings than it does in empty space. That's because people are dense. Boss: Is that true? Alice: For you it is.

Asok Returns From Fbi

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Asok Returns From Fbi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #racism, #arrest, #terrorist, #terrorism, #protest, #friendship, #relationship, #commitment, #apathy, #relationships

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Asok: The FBI held me for three weeks on suspicion that I was a terrorist. I assume you were protesting outside the FBI building the entire time and they didn't tell me. Because racism? Dilbert: Oh, right. Yes. We were protesting the entire time.

Employee Hat With Sensors

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Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #thoughts, #police, #policing, #work ethic, #leisure, #daydreaming, #control, #surveillance, #legal

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Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #healing, #doctor, #ego, #medical

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Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #managers, #tasks, #presentation, #expectation, #unrealistic, #obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

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Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #money, #negotiate, #negotiations, #racket, #guest artist, #josh shipley

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Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

Dogbert Talks Past The Sale

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Dogbert Talks Past The Sale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #negotiating, #negotiation, #psychology, #guest artist, #josh shipley

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Dogbert: Do you want to prepare and serve my favorite food to me now or in one minute? Dilbert: Why do you always that manipulative trick of making me think past the sale? Dogbert: Because it works? Dilbert: One minute! Not a second sooner!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #internet, #comment, #jerk, #forum, #argument, #anger, #frustration, #language, #technology

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Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?

Don't Read Long Emails

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Don't Read Long Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #email, #tldr, #communication, #assumption, #honesty

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Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.

Checking The Time

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Checking The Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bored, #boredom, #dying, #dead

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Boss: Stop checking the time when I talk to you! Dilbert: I wasn't checking the time. I was checking my pulse to see if I'm dying from boredom. Uh-oh. Boss: I hope this is a coincidence.