Strong Job Market Comic Strips - Page 100

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1000 Results for Strong Job Market

View 991 - 1000 results for strong job market comic strips. Discover the best "Strong Job Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Exceeding Expectations

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Exceeding Expectations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #employees, #employment, #job, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #salary

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Boss: I can't give you a bonus because you haven't exceeded my expectations. Dilbert: Did you expect me to exceed your expectations? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: It is logically impossible to exceed your expectations when you expect me to do it. Boss: No bonus!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #business, #criticism, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers

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Asok: I'm thinking of getting a degree in business and moving onto the management track. Is it fun being a boss? Boss: It's the best! I haven't done anything hard since the day I got this job. I mostly just criticize idiots all day long. It's as if the company is paying me to do my hobby. Speaking of pay, my salary is about triple your pay. Asok: Is there any downside? Boss: I had a lot of guilt at first. Asok: It must have been awful. Boss: Yes, it was the longest ten minutes of my life.

Complaining Versus Hiding

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Complaining Versus Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #boss, #complaining, #employees, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors

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Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.

Sabotage The Plan

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Sabotage The Plan  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #boss, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #plan, #sabatoge, #incompetent

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Dilbert: We know our boss's plan is a bad idea, but it's our job to execute anyway. Wally: Maybe we should try to sabotage the plan by being incompetent. Dilbert: Since when do you need a reason to be incompetent? Wally: It's more of a "nice but not necessary" situation.

Teach Employees To Code

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Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart

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Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

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Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart

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Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

Ai Can Control Minds

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Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #control, #intelligence, #office workers, #robot, #technology, #humans

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Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge

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Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

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Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?

No Raise For Dilbert

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No Raise For Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #work, #salary

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Dilbert: Can I have a 25% raise to get my compensation up to market levels? Boss: No. Dilbert: Okay. I'll just work 25% less because you won't know the difference. Boss: I would know if you did that. Dilbert: Should I get back to separating the zeroes from the ones in our database?