Ask Dilbert Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Ask Dilbert

View 991 - 1000 results for ask dilbert comic strips. Discover the best "Ask Dilbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Did Not Move The Server Rack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumors, #accusation, #lying, #obstinacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why did you move the server rack? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: You must be lying because I heard you did. Dilbert: Isn't it more likely you're wrong? Boss: Considering all the options, I like the one where I'm right about everything and you're a stinkin' liar.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?

Dilbert Is A Lover Not A Fighter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is A Lover Not A Fighter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lover, #fighter, #argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm a lover, not a fighter. Dogbert: When is the last time you did either one? Dilbert: Are you trying to start a fight? Dogbert: It's the better option of the two.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #anger, #frustration, #trolling, #needling

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Reanimated Employee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reanimated Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #death, #near death experience, #heaven, #hell, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.

Randy Meets Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Randy Meets Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #robot, #a.i., #artificial intelligence, #morals, #etiquette

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Robot, I'd like you to meet Randy. He has no soul, just like you. Robot: What's the etiquette for this situation? Do we high-five, then kill the soul-bag where he stands? Dilbert: I can hear you. Randy: He makes a good point. It would be better to surprise him.

Emptiness And Pain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emptiness And Pain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pain, #emptiness, #soul, #work ethic, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.

Engineer With No Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.

Too Dumb To Understand

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Too Dumb To Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #intelligence, #ego

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Your idea will never work. Dilbert: That's because you're too dumb to understand it. My idea would look brilliant if you were sixty percent smarter. Man: I don't know how to respond to that. Dilbert: That's consistent with my hypothesis.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #cell phone, #technology, #attention, #anger, #frustration, #viral video

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, do you want to weigh in on this? Dilbert: Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was playing with my phone under the table. Boss: Terrific. Alice, how about you? Alice: Um... sorry. I was using my phone under the table. Boss: Was anyone in this room listening to me for the past half-hour? Forget it! I'm out of here! You're on your own! Worst meeting ever. Carol: Have you seen the viral video of you going nuts?