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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #depressed, #dilbert and mother, #disengaged with son, #engage, #incompetence, #life is a joke, #monkeys, #talk, #work, #no punchline, #lifeguards

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Dilmom: How is work Dilbert? Dilbert: Well, mom...I'm like a fly stuck in a thick tar of despair. Incompetence hangs in the air like the cold stench of death. I'm drowning, and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils. My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line. I long for the comfort of the grave. Dilmom: Next time just say 'it's fine. Dilbert: I enjoy our talks. Dilmom: It's fine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #functioned as incubator, #innovations, #contributions, #incubating brains

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Wally: this week I functioned as an incubator of innovations for contributions to the value chain. To the observer, it looks as if I am doing nothing, but on the inside, I am incubating my brains out. The Boss: It doesn't count unless it hurts. Wally: It hurts plenty.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2008's comic on:


Tags #board of directors, #underling, #powerpoint, #slides, #preoccupied, #day jobs, #mistresses, #bonus, #meeting, #ceo, #all in favor, #business

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CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss request, #help coworker, #own work, #projects, #projects suffer, #time management

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The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to help Ted on his project. Dilbert: If Ted's project succeeds, who will get the credit? The Boss: Ted will. It's his project. Dilbert: What if it fails? The Boss: That would be your fault for not helping him enough. Dilbert: If I spend my time helping Ted, my own projects will suffer. The only way this makes sense is if my projects are unimportant and so am I. The Boss: If it makes you feel any better, Ted and his projects are unimportant too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2008's comic on:


Tags #design, #real world, #uninformed criticisms, #meeting, #boss, #business

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The Boss: This design will never work in the real world. Dilbert: That design is already widely used in the real world. I can come back later if you need time to concoct additional uninformed criticisms.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #aligns with priorities, #budget, #lying, #priorities, #questiong

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The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #traffic, #work, #co worker, #shopping, #week, #attractive nuisance

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secretary: Wally, did you finish the traffic estimates?" Wally: I didn't have time. I spent all week shopping on the company's online supply ordering site. Hey, you can't blame the guy who just uses the attractive nuisance.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #day off, #empty office, #holiday, #loser, #new years day, #work, #worked

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Tina: What did you do for New Year's Day? Dilbert: I forgot it was a holiday and came to work for ten hours." Tina: That's sort of loserish. Dilbert: Thanks for labeling it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #day at work, #garbage pickup, #holiday, #interrupted, #victory, #tainted

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Dilbert: I had a great day at work. For come reason, no one interrupted me, so I got a lot done. Garbage man: Today is a holiday." Dilbert: All of my victories are tainted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2007's comic on:


Tags #hate holidays, #day before holoday, #stop working, #cheapens work, #year round, #mean spirited, #bitter worker, #hyprocrit

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Wally: I hate it when people stop working because it's the day before a holiday. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally: "It cheapens the lack of work that I cultivate year-round." Asok: "I saw the funniest video clip!" Wally: "Tourist!"