Help Desk Comic Strips - Page 100

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View 991 - 1000 results for help desk comic strips. Discover the best "Help Desk" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pulling rank, #vice president, #teaching himself banjo, #wait in hallway, #offcie, #feet on desk, #making wait

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CEO: Im running late. But since Im a Vice president. you'll have to wait in the hallway. You'll be able to judge your relative worth by observing what thing I do while you wait. Dilbert: He's teaching himself banjo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executive style decison, #cucbicle, #illegible question scrawled, #loose original, #excuses

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"This item will require your usual executive-style decision." "You know: keep it on your desk for three weeks, then sneak it back to my cubicle with an illegible question scrawled in the margin." "Or, for your convenience, I have made no copies; so you can lose the original and claim you gave it back to me." "Hmm"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dignity enhancement, #help employees, #less money, #hire someone, #co workers

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The Boss: Sue was hired to run our new dignity enhancement program. Her charter is to help the employees feel good about themselves while they work harder for less money. Dilbert: How can we afford to hire somebody new? The Boss: Do you remember those cow orders you used to have?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boot camp, #conquer the earth, #genetic mutations, #half man, #sea monkeys, #half cucumber

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"What are you planting?" "I'm growing an army of genetic mutants to do my bidding." "Half man, half giant cucumber, these unthinking brutes will help me conquer the Earth!" "Didn't you try this with sea monkeys last year?" "None of them survived boot camp."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired, #outplacement agency, #own cubicle, #photocopies, #food stamps, #dollar bills

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The Boss: "You're fired, Wally. But since we care, we've contracted an outplacement agency to help you." The Boss: "You'll get your own cubicle. And you can make all the photocopies you want!" Wally: "What would I want to photocopy?" The Boss: "Food stamps, dollar bills, that sort of thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share accomplishements, #meeting, #share, #tiger team, #lock up session, #meeting cancelled, #nothing tangible, #busy work, #business

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The Boss: Let's each share our accomplishments for the month. Dilbert: To the untrained observer it might seem like I didn't accomplish anything. However, I did strategically "position" my project by socializing it within the company. Dilbert: Then Wally and I help a "tiger team" lock up session. Then I prepared the executive briefing package for the big meeting that got cancelled. Since then Ive spent most if my time looking for the best project management software to use. And I did it all within ten percent of my budget goal, Dilbert: Looking good. Wally: wow all I did was that tiger thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emergency assignment, #critical, #moot, #crisis, #moots

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"EMERGENCY ASSIGNMENT!! URGENT! URGENT!" "It's only critical because everything sits on your desk until it either becomes moot or a crisis." "From now on, I'm giving him the moots." "Aging" "Crises" "Moot"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #difficult, #cooperate, #project success, #head is full, #birdseed, #pants glued, #soap carving

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Dilbert: Your department has a reputation for being difficult to work with. But I know we can cooperate to make my project a success. Man: Id love yo help but my head is full of birdseed and my pants are glued to this chair. Dilbert: I'll talk to your boss. Man: Good Luck. He's a soap carving.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top priority, #last month, #dated

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The Boss: Take care of this immediately. It's your top priority. Dilbert: Top Priority?? This is dated last month, Its been on your desk for weeks and now its your top priority?? The Boss: I said its your top priority. I still don't care about it, Dilbert: well...okay the,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade boss computer, #cardboard prop, #came with desk, #new mother board, #new desk, #needs, #no actual computer

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The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office." Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk." The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?" Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."