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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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You work in a cubicle while your routers and servers have a private office with their own climate control. "The machines have taken over. Your job is to provide them with electricity." "And do you think those electronic voting machines care about your opinion?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Our company has decided to try something new." Six Sigma "New? Six Sigma was developed in the 80s." "It's new to us." "Why don't we jump on a fad that hasn't already been widely discredited?" "That way the false hope might sustain us." "There's nothing wrong with Six Sigma. All it does is reduce defects!" "Let's see...Fortune Magazine sys...blah, blah...Most companies that used Six Sigma have trailed the S&P 500." "Sorry I'm late. What did I miss while I was innovating?"

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First Date "Do you feel like doing some conversation?" "Okay. I love talking." "Do you like politics?" "No." "Science and technology?" "Not really." "War?" "No." "Sports?" "No." "Current events?" "No." "What's left?" "I like to talk about my hair." "Um...okay, we can try that." "This brown is a browner brown than I wanted." "Right. Are we done with hair?"

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Return of Topper "Then we started taking RPG fire from a rooftop." "That's nothing." "I strangled 900 insurgents with my bare hands." "That seems unlikely." "That's what the first 600 said."

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"Before you energize my team with your proposal, let me introduce everyone." "This is Wally. He'll show no reaction because he hopes apathy will kill our idea before it creates work." "This is Alice. She'll leave halfway through your presentation to take a phone call." "This is Asok. He'll be enthusiastic because he doesn't understand how the real world works." "This is Dilbert. He'll tell you why your idea is impossible." "This is Carol. She'll spend the entire meeting wondering if that's your real hair." "And this is Ted. He gave his two-weeks' notice last week." "And I like to keep my eyes closed the entire time because of my allergies. Go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Wally in Marketing "Wally, I want you to design our sales collateral." "The trick is to compare our product with things that are even worse." "'Prettier than a skunk sandwich and cooler than a hobo's mittens.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Wally in Marketing "According to my market research, ninety percent of your customers..." "...'fantasize about beating you to death with your stupid product.'" "What about the other ten percent?" "They asked for your company address but didn't say why."

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"Wally, I can't work with the smell of popcorn in the air. It makes me insane!" "I use it to mask the odors coming from my body. Choose your poison." "Refueling the Hindenburg?" "Why are people so mean?"

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"I want to debate with people on the Internet but I worry that I'm not smart enough." "Maybe I'll just read what the smart people are saying." "Okay, I'm in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"How can I tell if I'm drinking too much coffee?" "What would you do if I told you to quit?" "I'd jab you with a used needle." "In that case, you're fine."